In an interview on “Oprah’s next Chapter,” which aired on Sunday, the “Talk That Talk” singer opened up about her struggles to move on after Chris Brown physically abused her in 2009. But, despite the pain that lingers, Rihanna admitted to still having a special place in her heart for Chris.
She elaborated on her thoughts, sitting on the couch next to Oprah in an breezy living room during her one-on-one interview set in the Barbados.
“I think he is the love of my life,” she told the host. “He was my first love.”
Even so, the scars of the 2009 incident remain at the surface, adding confusion to the current situation, as Rihanna and Brown begin to rekindle what was lost in the fallout.
“My stomach drops and I have to maintain this poker face and not let it get to the outer part of me,” Rihanna said. “I have to maintain it and suppress it. When you don't understand those feelings you can make a lot of mistakes.”
The singer attributes the couple’s hardship to inexperience and naivety, saying that, “we forgot about ourselves as individuals.”
Even still, her strong feelings for Chris are something she has yet to forget.
“We went to a mutual friend's party on a yacht [#HollywoodProblems],” she said. “It's awkward because I still love him."
Now that Chris’ restraining order has been dropped, they are working on maintaining their “strong friendship,” which has somehow been able to hang on through the drama.
Each being a major player in the hip-hop/R&B industry, perhaps it’s their careers that have kept them close even in hardship. Recently they have even joined forces to collaborate on their singles “Turn Up The Music” and “Birthday Cake.”
Even with what would seem like positive report from the friendship battlefield, one would have a hard time claiming that all is well with Rihanna, as she struggled to put her feelings into words and teared up throughout the interview.
“It happened to me in front of the world,” she said. “It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. It was hurtful. You know, it’s not easy.”