You’ve heard of a Hollywood “ensemble” movie, right? It’s those annoying popcorn flicks that jam-pack a hundred celebs into the cast and make jokes like “there’s more celebs in here than rehab?”
But what’s the deal with these ensemble movies doing SO BAD at the box office? It seems like the more famous people you put in a movie, the worse it does.
To put this into perspective, a movie that does REALLY well, let’s take Iron Man 3 for example, when it opened it made $174,144,585 million its opening weekend. 174 MILLION in one weekend! Keep that number in mind when you read these paltry tens and hundreds of thousands that some of these half-brained movies made.
What is it: A rom-com about 1000 intersecting stories all happening on Valentine's Day.
Who Was In It: Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway, Topher Grace, Jennifer Garner, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner.
$: It brought in $54,260,707 its opening weekend. For her six minute cameo, they paid Julia Roberts $3 million alone! They still had about 15 other paychecks to write! They probably spent more money buying the cast than they made at the box office!
Why: Maybe because nobody got more than 20 minutes of screen time? Because the storylines were so short no one cared? Because Taylor Swift was in it?
New Year’s Eve
What is it: The follow-up to Valentine’s Day, still terrible.
Who Was In It: Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Robert De Niro, Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Seth Meyers, Katherine Heigl, Jon Bon Jovi, Lea Michele, Ashton Kutcher, Sarah Jessica Parker, Josh Duhamel.
$: $13,019, 180 its opening weekend, not even half of what it’s predecessor Valentine’s Day made.
Why: Why they decided to reboot the Valentine’s Day franchise when it didn’t do well makes no sense to us. They tried to cut back on A-list stars this time, but that made even fewer people want to see it.
What Is It: No one really knows what this movie is about, but a lot of famous people agreed to be in it.
Who Was In It: Justin Timberlake, Sean William Scott, Jon Lovitz, Mandy Moore, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Dwayne Johnson, Amy Poehler and Kevin Smith.
$: It made $123,380 in it’s opening weekend. Do you understand how little money that is in industry terms!? It didn’t even break half a million in it’s total lifetime worldwide gross! That’s unheard of!
Why: Every single A, B and C list actor was in this flick, but apparently this movie was so terrible and nothing made sense.
What Is It: A movie about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy and despite the fact that EVERYONE was in it, nobody saw it.
Who Was In It: Lindsay Lohan, Ashton Kutcher, Helen Hunt, Anthony Hopkins, Shia LaBeouf, William H. Macy, Demi Moore, Christian Slater, Elijah Wood and Martin Sheen.
$: It made $4 million its opening weekend, which is probably what Lindsay Lohan was paid just to be in it.
Why: Honestly, this was during Lindsay’s “trainwreck” period, so everyone thought it was some crappy movie she somehow begged her way into. No one knew that good actors were also in it.
What Is It: Called by some, the “worst” celebrity ensemble movie ever, this comedy features several short films smashed into a single feature.
Who Was In It: Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Emma Stone, Anna Faris, Naomi Watts, Gerard Butler, Chloe Moretz, Josh Duhamel, Terrence Howard, Kate Bosworth, Elizabeth Banks, Jason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman and Dennis Quaid.
$: It made $4 million its opening weekend, which is the worst opening weekend for any of the stars in the history of their careers. Hugh Jackman NEVER opens to a $4 million weekend.
Why: Apparently nobody wanted to be in this film, but they were all “tricked” into doing it when the producers kept telling everyone how “Kate Winslet was doing the film.”