Don’t Worry Homosexuals, Zach Braff Isn't Gay

July 20, 2011 By:
Don’t Worry Homosexuals, Zach Braff Isn't Gay

Zach Braff has been speaking out today to let everyone know he's still straight. I'm not sure if he's doing damage control, or just trying to warn the heterosexual female population.

Early Wednesday morning, Braff's website was hacked with a "coming out" statement that read:

"The human mind can only bare so much before it explodes in emotions, and well… it is time to let the world know. I am excited and proud to announce that I am an open member of the homosexual community. This is not news to those closest to me and i honor that they have kept it a secret for such a long time. This doesn't change anything, I am still Zach Braff, and I am the same man i have always been, Gay or not. ;)"

The whole thing would be totally believable if not for the winking smiley face at the end. Because I'm pretty sure the only two expressions Zach Braff ever makes are "restrained anger" and "Ray Romano".

Braff has been doing damage control all day, issuing the following statement to TMZ:

"My old website got hacked. Someone issued a 'coming out' statement on my behalf, I'm still straight and in love with my girlfriend. But not too straight; I still love musicals, brunch and Doogie Howser."

Get it?! Because those are all things GAY PEOPLE like! Oh, Zach Braff. This makes me want to not watch Scrubs even more.
Honestly, that statement would be kind of funny if Zach Braff hadn't have said it. I'm not saying he's a jerk. Google Autocomplete says it for me.