Tina Fey Quotes

The little one is such a ... she might be a sociopath. 

2013

There should be a new, more honest euphemism. 'I'm leaving office because I plan to solicit more anonymous sex in bathrooms.' 'I am going to dedicate myself full time to my day-drinking.' Yeah, I am actually spending more time with my family, which is nice. 

2013

Hopefully, what we learned is that it really doesn’t matter if they don’t get into Princeton. They will learn a lot in the Army.

2013

I remember tanking my own college interview – well, tanking implies I did it on purpose. I remember failing my Princeton interview. My mom wanted me to apply because ever since I was a kid she had this dream that I would apply to Princeton, but it was just not happening. 

2013

You’re going to take some swings and misses, and you can’t be afraid of it. You can’t get paralyzed by ‘It has to be perfect.’ 

2013

Some of the things that were in the Burn Book…like ‘So-and-so masturbated with a hot dog’—we had to change it to ‘made out with a hot dog,’ which doesn’t even make sense. There was a line, ‘Is your cherry popped?’ which we had to [rerecord] as ‘Is your muffin buttered?’ which also doesn’t make sense…I really do think it was because it was girls. If it was about a boys’ school, and there was one reference talking about another guy, off camera having once masturbated, I don’t think that would have been an R rating. 

2012

Yeah, because you have to stand for 16 hours, and they make me a little taller. Jane Krakowski wears Frank-N-Furter-size heels all the time. 

2012

You can find this freshly posted as of yesterday. 'She should be ashamed of what she did to Sarah Palin,' which I think is a discredit to both me and former Gov. Palin. She's not fragile. And I'm not mean. And to imply otherwise is a disservice to us both. No one ever said, 'Oh, that Will Ferrell. He should be ashamed of the way he's conducting himself playing George W. Bush.' No one would ever say that. 

2011

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. 

2011

I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so...I ignored it for a few hours. 

2011

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool. 

2011

And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women - except, of course —those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape ‘kit ‘n’ stuff, But for everybody else, it’s a win-win. Unless you’re a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years - whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know - actually, I take it back. The whole thing’s a disaster. 

2011

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years. 

2011

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of. 

2011

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist. 

2011

I think they would get along. Liz has little to no style and little to no sex drive. Carrie would be very encouraging of Lemon and help her have more confidence. 

2009

There are two big differences between Liz and me. One is that apparently my character’s jugs are a lot bigger. 

2008

I would say he’s Lorne Michaels-esque. There’s a whole other corporate end of Donaghy that’s nothing at all like Lorne. But he was definitely the inspiration. I may be the only SNL alumnus who has created a character based on Lorne who’s not lying about it. 

2008

Because of the Greek-girl thing, I have, like, boobs and butt. I only have two speeds – either matronly or a little too slutty. I have to be steered away from cheetah print. 

2008

I proceeded unaware of it. I was a very confident little kid. It's really almost like I'm kind of able to forget about it, until I was on-camera. 

2008

Story is the opposite of sketch. Here we break a story and make it interesting for 22 minutes, and sometimes we have trouble getting it down to be short enough. We often have A, B and C storylines to fit in. 

2007

You can't stay at Saturday Night Live forever. It's a little like trying to stay in high school forever. You need to move on, and you need to let somebody else have their turn. There's a new generation coming up there, so it was an appropriate time to leave. 

2006

I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract; the baby and I have only a verbal agreement. 

2005

Every year there's one person who you think, 'How the hell did that person get on the list?' This year I'm proud to be that person. 

2003

It's a childhood injury that was kind of grim. And it kind of bums my parents out for me to talk about it.

2001