Anyone got some Neosporin? Because there were some major burns at yesterday’s telecast.
In case you were like the rest of the celebs at the 2014 Golden Globes and too drunk to notice them...
1. Tina Fey on Taylor Swift
After Taylor’s shady remarks over a joke at her expense from last year’s Golden Globes, Tina made sure to enact her revenge, congratulating co-host Amy Poehler on her Golden Globe win: "I just want to say congratulations to my friend Amy Poehler. I love you and there's a special place in hell for you."
2. Tina calling out the sexist Hollywood machine
"Matthew McConaughey did amazing work this year. For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45 pounds. Or what actresses call being in a movie."
Yeah, you heard her, McConaughey!
3. Amy Poehler on some dude named Matt Damon. We don’t know, look him up on IMDb or whatever
Amy: "Matt Damon is here, for 'Behind the Candelabra'. Matt, on any other night, in any other room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don't take this the wrong way, you're basically a garbage person."
4. Tina on George Clooney’s OkCupid profile preferences
5. Jim Carrey on Shia LaBeouf
6. Amy on Julia Louis-Dreyfus sitting with the cool kids now
"Hi, Julia! Hi Julia! You know us from TV."
Julia be all like, byyeeeeeee.
7. Tina on the highly evolved paramecium that is Joaquin Phoenix
"One of my favorite films this year is the movie Her. Which takes place in the not-so-distant future, which is perfect because so does Joaquin Phoenix."
At least he wasn't too method to laugh about it.
8. Tina on Leonardo DiCaprio's history of committed, long-term relationships
9. Amy on why you never ever want to be invited to one of Jonah Hill’s parties
Like, not in a million years.
10. Bono on a tipsy Diddy
"Thanks, but no thanks." — Bono