Teen Mom

Great, now I have to watch Season 3.

‘Teen Mom’, a show that has absolutely nothing to do with becoming a Teen Mom and everything to do with what Lindsay Lohan’s life would be like if she were poor, has produced a little twinkling star—Amber Portwood.

Portwood has battled depression, been charged with domestic violence, and, well-- I could go on and on, but if you’re reading this
And it’s only Tuesday! Let’s see if we can get another couple under your belt before Friday, and maybe the folks at Guinness will call up.

Teen Mom 2 person—I refuse to continue calling them ‘stars’—Jenelle Evans has just been arrested for the second time within one week. According to TMZ, Evans was arrested today in North Carolina for violating a domestic violence protective order. She’s currently in custody.
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Teen Mom 2's Leah Messer, 19, already has twins with her ex-husband Corey Simms. Now she's engaged to someone named Jeremy Calvert and is pregnant with his child.

Damn these teen moms move fast. How do you find two men willing to marry you all before you hit age 19? Oh wait, the whole "having a baby" thing. Got it.

A source tells Us Weekly that "Leah just got engaged over the holidays and is pregnant with..
If you don’t keep up with the show, don’t worry. I watch it religiously. For you. Yup, sacrificing my brain cells for the greater good.

Amber Portwood, one of the moms from the MTV reality series, Teen Mom, has been thrown back in jail. She was originally arrested for punching the sh-t out of her baby daddy, Gary Shirley, and the whole ordeal was documented on camera.

Portwood was on probation for the incident, and she was required to complete anger management classes and obtain her GED. According to court records, Portwood did not go to the classes and didn’t get her GED, either. Which means she was literally arrested for being an idiot.
MTV should just start paying this guy in one dollar bills. Because Gary Shirley blew a whopping $5,000 in one day when he partied at a strip club for eleven hours. I know it seems like a long time to be at a strip club, but keep in mind, it probably takes this guy few hours just to find his penis.

Gary visited a 24-hour strip club in Miami, where he kicked off the bender at 1a.m. It reportedly lasted until noon. He started in the VIP area, then moved into the champagne room.

Who is this guy, Charlie Sheen? It's nice to see that he's taking his Teen Mom money and using it for something useful. His daughter probably didn’t want to go to college anyway.

 Image by Splash News
A star has been born. Teen Mom's Amber Portwood is headed to rehab in California.

After last week's cry for help, Portwood ended up in the hospital. After receiving a call from Grimace baby daddy Gary Shirley, police found Portwood semiconscious in her home, and she later admitted she had taken pills.

Apparently, Portwood told Shirley...
 Image by Splash News
Amber Portwood attempted to commit suicide earlier this week, but according to her baby's daddy, she is doing just fine. Sorry, MTV, I'm sure this throws a wrench in Season 4.

Following her hospitalization on Tuesday, Amber's on again/off again boyfriend and baby daddy Gary Shirley Tweeted:

"Amber is safe...
 Image by Splash News
Teen mom, Amber Portwood, has been hospitalized after threatening suicide and it was her ex-fiancé and punching bag Gary Shirley who made the 911 call.

TMZ reports that Gary called police because he feared she would end her life. A source claims that Amber and Gary got into a fight on the phone and “she said she was so upset, she was going to kill herself.”

Amber later added to the threat, “When you come check on me, I’ll be in the garage with a rope around my neck and you’ll find my body there...
 Image by Splash News
Teen Mom star, Amber Portwood, allegedly attempted to end her life this morning. And I’m sure MTV will capitalize on this with their new show, 18 & Suicidal.

The young mom was rushed to the hospital in Anderson, Indiana after police got a phone call. Anderson Police released the following statement:

“Late this morning (11:34 a.m.), Anderson Police responded to a call at...
 Image by Splash News
Amber Portwood, the violent reality star of Teen Mom commented on the nude photos of her that were released Thursday.

"I'm devastated that these pictures were stolen from my phone and sold by someone I trusted," Portwood told MTV. "It makes me sad that anyone would do this, and I'm horrified that something so private is being shared publicly."

Yeah, the rest of us are equally horrified and devastated. The shots show Portwood nude, desperately trying to be sexy. At least that’s what I’ve read. I haven’t bothered to check them out. If you don’t mind scarring yourself for life, I’m sure you can find them.

It’s like this chick is following a guide on the quickest way to become famous for doing nothing. Nude cell phone photos? Check. Domestic violence? Check. Numerous court appearances? Check. The next step is rehab and/or sex with Charlie Sheen.

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