We’re Convinced Mermaids Are Going to Be the Next Vampires

March 20, 2014 By:
We’re Convinced Mermaids Are Going to Be the Next Vampires
Image By: Getty Images / Mark Kolbe

HUGE WEEK FOR MERMAIDS, GUYS.

As our nation finally comes down from the oversaturation of vampires in popular culture (only to soon be followed by teens at odds with vaguely dystopian governments), we just want to prepare you for the next big thing in supernatural-themed entertainment: Mermaids.

Because people are OVER vampires.

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People WILL BE over dystopian romances.

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Witches had their moment, but barely arrived.

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And werewolves will always be treated like a forgotten stepchild.

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They’re cool and all, but people can’t seem to get invested in them.

 

But mermaids, you say? Mermaids are untapped terrain.

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They’re sensual and ethereal...

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...but also sinister!

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Duality is sooooo important to these supernatural shows and mermaids have that down on lock.

 

Mermen also leave room for lots of gratuitous shirtlessness.

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Also, imagine the GIFs that could be made from the inevitable wet hair flips.

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Also, water sex.

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Sofia Coppola is set to direct a live-action version of The Little Mermaid.

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It’s reported to be based on the much darker fairy tale, not the Disney film.

 

Stephenie Meyer has already said that she wants to write a book about cannibal mermaids.

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“When I was growing up, I was obsessed with mermaids. I do have a very elaborate outline for a book. I’m not working on it now, but I have the feeling it’s going to be big. It’s going to be 1,000 pages.”

 

And if The CW doesn't have a drama about mermaids in development at the moment then shut that whole place down entirely.

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Every SMART person sitting in an L.A. Starbucks with a laptop right now? Probably working on a spec pilot about mermaids.

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Because the elements are there—paranormal, dramaaaaa, sexuality, an ever-multiplying ensemble cast of characters because fish can reproduce like crazy—and the time is now. If you go to any remotely fun parties this weekend, we guarantee people will be talking about mermaids.

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Mermaids: THEY JUST WANT TO BE A PART OF OUR WORLD.

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