It is with the deepest regret that we must inform you of the new “Dancing with the Stars” lineup.
The program akin to beating a dead horse, the tired dog-and-pony show that parades C-list “stars” around a ballroom is going on it’s one millionth season and we have to tell you which fading stars are going to lose a lot of weight this season thanks to doing too many Paso Dobles with Derek Hough.
Cast (Listed in Order of Most Relevant to Least Relevant)
Snooki – Famous for not being a Jersey mess anymore.
Leah Remini – Famous for NOT being a scientologist anymore.
Jack Osbourne – Famous for having a famous dad.
Amber Riley – Famous for being a very talented singer/actress on “Glee.”
Christina Milian – Famous for that one song “Dip It Low.”
Valerie Harper – Famous for beating cancer.
Keyshawn Johnson – Famous for the NFL and also for living next door to Justin Bieber and talking to TMZ about it.
Bill Nye – Famous for science.
Corbin Bleu – Famous for being in High School Musical and nothing else.
Elizabeth Berkley Lauren – Famous for being Jessie on “Saved by the Bell.”
Brant Daugherty - Famous for having bone structure weekly on “Pretty Little Liars.”
Bill Engvall – Famous for being a comedian…we think?