Shakira Attacked By Sea Lion

February 13, 2012 By:
Shakira Attacked By Sea Lion

File this under: What the f-ck?

Shakira wrote a post on her facebook titled, “Special Report: Attacked by a Sea Lion.’

I feel like this is the title of a really bad SNL sketch the week that Shakira is the musical guest, but believe it or not, Shakira went on a trip to visit animals in their “natural habitats” and when she got closer to the animals to get a better look, one of the sea lions leapt at her and attacked her.

“Omg what just happened to me! I was attacked by a sea lion!” says Shakira, “This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals. I thought to myself how cute they were so I decided to get a bit closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock trying to pet them and doing baby talk…suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me.”

So let me get this straight, Shakira moves ahead of everyone else, steps onto the sea lions rock, puts her head near it’s face and starts “baby talking” at it, and is surprised that it attacked her? What part of “lion” doesn’t she understand?

Shakira: Ohh baby seals!

Tour Guide: Actually no ma’am, those are seal lions, I’m gonna need you to step back-

Shakira: It’s okay…I’m a SHE WOLF. Howwwwllll

*Sea Lion bites face*

So anyways, Shakira screams and then reportedly maintains eye contact with it, then her brother, who she describes as “Super Tony” jumped over her and saved her life from the “beast.”

She later guesses that the reason she was attacked was because she thought the sea lion mistook her blackberry phone for a fish. Whhaaatt. He didn’t attack her because her face was in his face or that a random guy named “Super Tony” swooped onto his rock, but no, the sea lion just thought the blackberry was a fish and the poor little guy was probably hungry. Awww, we should start teaching sea lions to identify blackberries so more celebrities can get up close and person with wild animals!

Oh but the best part of the story is that after the sea lion encounter, Shakira writes, “Today with the penguins! Definitely friendlier!”