It’s not the Emmys (TV’s biggest night) and it’s not the Oscars (film’s biggest night) — it’s the Golden Globes (the invisible middle child who gets away with everything because Harvey Weinstein isn’t watching).
It’s common knowledge in the entertainment industry that the Globes are the most fun because it’s thrown together by foreigners (who are just innately more lush than Americans) and because all the booze is literally IV’ed into every celeb’s veins upon arriving.
Let’s countdown the drunkest celebs from last night’s festivities:
5. Emma Thompson
First she stepped up to the mic with a martini in one hand and her Louboutins in the other.
And then she was like, “Hold this…”
“…And fuck it.”
But because she was most likely just joshing, we’ll award her Most Buzzed Presenter.
4. Sofia Vergara
She didn’t win, but she was prepared to drink her tears away.
3. Diane Keaton
For Woody Allen’s lifetime achievement award tribute, Diane accepted the award in the literal sense by rambling for what felt like a lifetime. Then she started whisper-singing a Girl Scout anthem in the same style as the lullaby from the Freddy Krueger movies. Honestly, we doubt she had a sip of alcohol and was just drunk on BEING DIANE EFFING KEATON.
Presenting the award for “Best Score in an Original Motion Picture” (his botched words), Diddy was all over the place—photobombing awards acceptance speeches and having an awkward moment with Bono.
Someone obviously had too much Ciroc.
1. Jacqueline Bisset
After getting lost on the way to the awards show stage, the reason we all watch awards shows in the first place arrived: Someone giving the most random and incoherent thank you speech.
For the love of God, muster all your strength and attempt to watch it here: