Sammi "Sweetheart" Leaves the Jersey Shore

February 11, 2011 By:

A huge fight broke out on this Thursday’s episode of Jersey Shore. And I’m really surprised, because these people are so classy.

Classy people don’t typically get into fights and let their vaginas hang out. Or say things like, “after I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off”. Waaaaaait a second! These people aren’t classy at all!

Ronnie and Sammi, who have been struggling since last season, finally seemed to have ended the clusterf-ck that is their relationship. In the episode, the recently emancipated Sammi took advantage of her newfound singledom by dancing suggestively with another guy at the dank, semen-covered club that the cast like to frequent.

Ronnie flipped out, ripped through his purple shorts and yelled, “HULK SMASH!” before destroying their room.

“All my stuff is ruined. What makes that okay?” Sammi asked.

She had every right to be upset. I mean, he ruined all of her stuff, which consists of a drawer full of Roxy daisy dukes, a leopard-skinned blanket, and a plush banana.

The two continued to fight, leading Godzilla Ronnie to pick up and throw the bed that Sammi was lying on.
“I am leaving this house. It’s not healthy,” Sammi said.

Congratulations, Dr. Phil. You finally realized that drinking 24/7, having sex with strangers, and getting punched in the face on the weekly isn’t healthy.

"I never thought there'd be a day that she just left," Ronnie said. "I miss her and I love her. And I definitely regret all the negative s– I've ever done."

He then punched his fist through a wall and yelled, “I’m a MONSTER!”