Proof that electric vampire Robert Pattinson's skin always did sparkle like conflict-free diamonds in the sun: This photo of the future heartthrob modeling underwear for fashion house Miu Miu's Asian market.
There were so many things wrong with this picture that it could only be right. Like the dominating flash of pale milky thigh. Or the pouty duck lips traditionally seen only at the cafeteria table of your middle school's most popular girls. Or that I don't think the scarf really matches those shoes.
These glaring fashion faux-pas first caught our attention last week because if a picture speaks a thousand words then this single image exclaimed: "Amazing - Flawless - The Next Kate Moss" over and over again.
But there are more.
Since then more photos have been unearthed, sprung from the innocent void of 2003 of which this Chinese fashion editorial was first shot, and they will leave you equally breathless. Not in all the hours that I spend writing Pulitzer Prize-winning Twilight fan-fiction, (zero) could I even dream this stuff up. Brace yourself. Hell, if you have a horse tranquilizer nearby, use it now. Especially for the shot of Rob striking this pose: fiercely-crossed legs, shoulders pinned back, hair luxuriously gelled up with L.A. Looks, probably.
According to the photographer John-Paul Pietrus, who we can't thank enough for these, he remembers Rob as, "painfully shy and incredibly polite." John-Paul also recalls that the teen model was, "a bit nervous too because I had him in some pictures with a girl," forgetting to add, "in ridiculously laughable underwear she immediately called all her girl friends with a corded house phone afterwards to tell them about it."
While alluring, they are also completely frightening, which is why I've been throwing garlic at my computer screen for the past 15 minutes to make them go away, but Rob was not a vampire yet, just a Super-Human Chinese Underwear Model immune to my efforts. These photos cannot be destroyed. They will never die.