Well I Instagram everything about my life, whether it’s smoking pot, in a strip club, reading a Bible verse – how crazy, I know – or hanging out with my best friend, who happens to be Chris.
You don’t have that feeling with everybody so when you have it, you don’t want to let go of it. I would definitely say he is the one I have that kind of relationship with.
Right now, that’s just what we want, a great friendship, that’s unbreakable. Now that we’re adults we can do this right. We got a fresh start and we’re thankful for that.
When you add up the pieces from the outside, it’s not the cutest puzzle in the world. You see us walking somewhere, driving somewhere, in the studio, in the club, and you think you know. But it’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about sh*t. We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that . . . He doesn’t have the luxury of f**king up again. That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will ever go wrong.
I decided it was more important for me to be happy. I wasn’t going to let anybody’s opinion get in the way of that. Even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake. After being tormented for so many years, being angry and dark, I’d rather just live my truth and take the backlash. I can handle it.
When the door closes you have two choices. Give up, or keep going. Let them shut you down or prove them wrong. We all start somewhere. It's where you end up that counts.
Nobody could feel that more than me. I was hurt the most. Nobody felt what I felt. It happened to me and it happened to me in front of the world. It was embarrassing, it was humiliating, it was hurtful it was. It’s not easy. I lost my best friend. Every thing I knew switched in a night and I couldn’t control that so I had to deal with that and that’s not easy for me to understand or interpret. And, it’s not easy to interpret on camera, not with the world watching. It was hard for me to even pay attention to my mind and figuring things out because now it became a circus and I felt protective. I felt like the only person they hate right now is him. It was a weird, confusing space to be in cause as angry as I was, as angry and hurt and betrayed, I just felt like he made that mistake because he needed help and whose going to help him? Nobody’s going to say he’s needs help…everybody is going to say he’s a monster without looking at the source. I was more concerned about him.
No. Because what society has made that title. It has become a title of perfection and that is something no one can achieve. I can’t say that I’ll get it right every time. I wish. I’m a work in progress.
It’s amazing how lonely you can feel and nobody understands and the moment you reach out and put your guard down and you’re vulnerable, somebody always reaches out and you know that you’re not alone and that they go through the same thing.
Marry someone who loves me more than I love them, because a woman will always give and they’ll always give even more than they need to. We’re selfish beings, its maternal even with a husband it will be that way with them as well. They’ll only meet you half way…if they love you a little more.
I hate going to the gym and doing it the old-fashioned way. I hate anything that’s too straightforward, too routine, too familiar. I get bored really, really quickly.
I love reading people. I really enjoy watching, observing, and being able to figure out a person, the reason they wore that dress, the reason they smell the way they do.
When I was fourteen and first started going out, I always wanted to be the opposite of everyone else. So I would go to the club in a polo T-shirt and pants and sneakers and a hat on backward, just so I would not be dressed like other girls.
Look, God doesn't give any more than you can handle. I had to get through a lot of ups and downs — big downs — and a lot of trial and error to get where I am now.
See, people — especially white people — they want me to be a role model just because of the life I lead. The things I say in my songs, they expect it of me and [being a role model] became more of my job than I wanted it to be. But no, I just want to make music. That's it.
No, I don't hate him at all. I actually love and care about him. I want him to do well, have a great career, have a great life and grow up. And just take this as something you had to go through to grow up and learn.
I caught him in a lie, and he wouldn't tell the truth. And I wouldn't drop it. I couldn't take that he kept lying to me, and he couldn't take that I wouldn't drop it. It escalated into him being violent towards me. And it was ugly. I was battered, I was bleeding, I was swollen in my face.
When is it going to stop? When is it going to stop? He had no soul in his eyes. Just blank. He was clearly blacked-out. There was no person when I looked at him.
It was a learning experience for the both of us. There was alot of insecurities and control issues but it was definitely a learning experience because in relationships in the future I know to watch out for certain things. A lot of those were signs. I learned that in the end. There were signs.
It's completely normal to go back. It's not right. I learned the hard way, but again, this is what I want people to know. When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not be easy with that part. I couldn't be held responsible for going back. Even if Chris never hit me again, who is to say that their boyfriend won't? Who's to say that they won't kill these girls? These are young girls and I just didn't realize how much of an impact I had on these girls' lives until that happened.
I am misunderstood a lot at times. My music, my image. People have their whole thing about me. Whether it be me being a devil worshipper or whatever the hell. I’m just being me and I’m just making music the way I would without any influences. Just me and my personal life.
They should be hot, they were for my boyfriend at the time. If you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures then I feel bad for him. Trust me I was [freaked out], that was the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to me. I just feel like my privacy was taken before that and then when that came out I was like, 'Oh great! So, Now there is nothing they don’t know about my private life.' It was humiliating and embarrassing, especially my mom having to see that and it was two days before Mother’s Day so I was nervous.
- 1 of 2