How’s everyone doing on sleep today? Because we know we weren’t the only ones who lost a substantial 7 hours—tossing, turning, mumbling “Not Elle Woods”—when we heard Reese Witherspoon was arrested for being a drunk mess.
But let’s turn our attention to the most important part of this story: Reese asking, “Do you know who I am?” to get her out of a bind.
The “DYKWIA?” Card, a Get Out Of Jail Free card for celebs who confuse real life with Monopoly, brings out the real narcissist in some and Reese is hardly alone.
If this card were a foolproof excuse that you earn after making so many millions, then it sounds better than an Oscar. Also, how hard does the FedEx office employee ROLL HIS EYES when you ask him to laminate it?
Here are the five celebs that need to pull out their DYKWIA? Cards, but this time to turn them in…
Reese Witherspoon – She’s since apologized for invoking this blunder, but we didn’t think America’s sweetheart was even capable of this excuse, even in her subconscious.
Dina Lohan – Routinely confusing herself for her daughter Lindsay, Dina used her honorary membership after being turned away from Hollywood nightclub, Villa. “Do you know who I am?” she asked. They did, Dina. You were someone with a 15-year-old Ali also with you trying to get into a 21-and-over establishment.
Allen Iverson – In 2011, former NBA hot shot Allen Iverson lashed out at the police over a traffic violation – not using his blinker to change lanes and concealing his vehicle registration over expired tags. Allen bragged and boasted “for the next 20 minutes,” according to the police report, constantly referencing who he was. “Take the vehicle, I have 10 more.” “I make more money than you will in 10 years.” And, of course, “Do you know who I am?”
Mark Foster – Desperate times call for desperate measures. Foster the People lead singer Mark Foster was removed from an intimate Prince concert at Sayers Club in Hollywood last year after having his phone out, which is the first rule you don’t break at an intimate Prince concert. “I’m Mark Foster…from Foster the People” he begged to the bouncer who wouldn’t let him back in. We actually approve of Mark’s attempt to play the DYKWIA? Card here. Hello, Prince!
Jane Fonda – It’s an old Hollywood urban legend, but Jane Fonda was supposedly the first to demand the star treatment and get a DYKWIA? Card with her name chiseled on it. Rumor goes that she and her ex-husband Ted Turner entered a Montana restaurant and used it when told she’d have to wait 45 minutes to be seated. There’s really no basis to substantiate this story, but we just had to include this tired gem as a precedent for the rest. Also, does anyone wait 45 minutes for anything in Montana?