Which Real Housewives Cast is the Most Messed Up?

September 30, 2011 By:
Which Real Housewives Cast is the Most Messed Up?

Ever season and every city of the Real Housewives are the same. Ridiculous women with too much botox, too much money and too much free time get in fights with each other while their tea-cup Chihuahua’s yap away in the background. Once the Bravo series launched in 2006 with "The Real Housewives of Orange County" American was so enamored that they decided to launch the series in 6 other cities. However, some Real Housewives are more screwed up than the rest, which begs the question, which Real Housewives spin-off cast is the most f-cked up?

Atlanta: The Real Housewives of Atlanta or HOTlanta as it's sometimes referred to, have a cat fight every 5 seconds. While the Beverly Hills casts have slow burning mutual hatred that sometimes show it's fangs at dinner parties or bridal showers, the Real Housewives of Atlanta just fight all the time, whenever they feel like it. At the mall, at the salon, at Champagne brunches, these women's crazy knows no bounds. NeNe Leakes got in a fight at a fancy party with designer friend Dwight Eubanks, and I have no idea what they were fighting about except that she kept shouting the phrase "10 thousand dollars" while tossing champagne in people's faces. Nene once fought with Kim Zolciak on a tour bus and threatened, "I'll toss you out the window." Another time at a brunch Kim toasted her champagne class and said, "Cheers Bitch" to which NeNe responded, "You better watch those B words or you'll end up over in that ocean." Then, NeNe fought with Kim on vacation for an unknown reason claiming, "I will strangle you. I will snap your neck and pop your eyeballs out all at the same time." So yah, Atlanta is cray cray.

New Jersey: Jersey, yes there are a lot of cat fights and totally insane moments on The New Jersey edition of The Real Housewives, but the entire show can be summed up in that one blow-out fight between Teresa Guidice and Danielle Staub at the end of Season 1 which has been dubbed "The Last Supper." This episode follows the logic that if you have a problem with someone, you should flip over a table on them. Danielle tells Teresa to "pay attention" which set Teresa over the edge who then called Danielle a "Prostitution Whore" and turned into a crazy troll woman and flipped the dinner table over. After Teresa flipped the table and blew off some steam a 'la Ronnie from The Jersey Show, Danielle likened Teresa to a "caged animal." My thoughts exactly Danielle.

Miami: Miami is surprisingly the most low-key of the housewife casts (is there such a thing?). There were only 6 episodes total so how much crazy could they really create in that short a period? However, there is one woman named Senora Elsa who is mother to one of the housewives and might be the cat woman's long lost sister, she is also what I imagine a piece of ground beef would sound like if it could talk. Did I mention that she is constantly drunk? She claims she's 99 years old and looks like she received the first ever injection of collagen ever invented, as her face appears to be melting. She drinks white zinfandel and says things like "I'm a witch" and "You cannot put ice in this wine." I'm rooting for season two from this show simply so I can catchy more from this crazy woman.

New York: There are a lot of stupid girl fights on Real Housewives of NY. Jill Zarin and Ramona Singer hate each other. Cindy Barshop and Sonja Morgan have a beef for some reason. LuAnn de Lesseps had a problem with Ramona too. Now Kelly Bensimon, Jill Zarin and Alex McCord are being fired from the show or whatever, but the really f-cked up part of the show is Countess LuAnn de Lesseps "career" as a "pop star." Even though she's pushing 50, she releases pop music videos like she's some kind of over-grown Ke$ha creation. Her first single was titled "Money Can't Buy You Class" and her singing voice is what a tranny sounds like with a sore throat. Only in American can a middle aged woman pay someone to make her a music video where she gropes half naked 25-year-olds and sings about all the "class" she has.

DC: No-one really cares about the Real Housewives of DC, they could have snaked by under the radar and fell into obscurity but alas, they got their crazy back because of one certain woman named Michaele Salahi. I'm sure you know who Michaele Salahi is by now. First she and her husband Tareq crashed a party at the white house, then they laid low for a while and once she realized she wasn't famous anymore, she faked her own kidnapping and ran off with the guitarist from Journey. Her life is a Lifetime movie. I bet Bravo is kicking themselves for canceling The Real Housewives of DC.

Beverly Hills: Lisa Vanderpump makes out with her dog "Pinky" at least several times per episode. Need I say more?