Open your darling daybooks, grab an obnoxiously large red quill pen, and strike a line thicker than the Iron Curtain through Thursday, 5/9 and don’t you even dare stop until you’ve reached Wednesday, 5/15 because as of this moment you are CANCELLING YOUR ENTIRE WEEK.
Because Prince Harry is coming back to the New World and we’re all going to party like it’s the total opposite of Las Vegas, August 2012.
No checking into clothing-optional suites in Sin City. No taking part in historical American traditions like playing Madden on Xbox for 12 hours straight while eating take-out KFC.
Just museums, museums, clothing mandatory galas, staring at mountains that don’t move or make jokes in Colorado, museums, and other excursions about as boring as your high school Career Day.
Too late. You’ve already cleared your schedule, so mark your calendars. This is his/your full itinerary for the taking:
Thursday, 5/9 – Washington D.C. to tour a HALO Trust exhibition; give a speech at the home of British ambassador Sir Peter Westmacott
Friday, 5/10 – Lay a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery, tour the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, fly to Denver for a reception hosted by Beverley Simpson
Saturday, 5/11 – Meet and greet British athletes competing in the 2013 Warrior Games
Sunday, 5/12 – Watch cyclists at the U.S. Air Force Academy
Monday, 5/13 – Flying to the East Coast
Tuesday, 5/14 – Visit areas in New Jersey and New York affected by Hurricane Sandy; swing by Manhattan for an event to support British government’s GREAT campaign and baseball benefit game
Wednesday, 5/15 – Play polo; fly back to UK
Feel free to nudge him alert during any of these seven days on the off chance he forgets to pack his I’m Wide Awake!! glasses—those fun, zany bifocals with fake cartoony eyes on them he calls “hilarious”—and dozes off.