An Adult Tries to Explain What the Janoskians Are

May 15, 2014 By:
An Adult Tries to Explain What the Janoskians Are
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As an adult working in the celebrity gossip field, this group called The Janoskians keeps appearing in the periphery of what is considered celebrity news.

We tried to ignore these Janoskians for as long as possible, but unfortunately they don’t seem to be going away. After a careful Google detour into “What are The Janoskians” we don’t seem to be ANY closer to uncovering just WHAT the Janoskians actually ARE.

The Janoskians are definitely five guys.


That much we know FOR SURE.

But they’re not really comedians. They’re not actors. They don’t seem to be singers. They might be a reluctant boy band. Honestly, they’re just…guys. Guys who are famous, for being guys.

The Janoskians FIRST became a thing when they uploaded a video on YouTube.

We can’t confidently call their videos vlogs or even comedy sketches. Their first video was called “Break Up To Make Up” and in the video one of the Janoskians cross-dresses and Skypes his boyfriend (another Janoskian), and then the boyfriend makes fun of him because his makeup looks bad.

That is literally what the entire video is about.

Since then, they have started doing what we can only describe as “dare me to do something” videos, like spraying themselves in the face with pepper spray.

This is one of their most popular videos.

In the video, they go on a train and annoy people by screaming, rapping poorly and pretending to be gay.


YES, they pretend to be gay… as a form of entertainment.

According to Wikipedia, “The videos were initially intended for sharing among friends to show off their pranks, but as time went on they became popular among the general public.”

Sure, okay.

Wikipedia also hilariously lists their occupation as:

Urban Dictionary simply describes them as “sweet” guys who will make you “smile.”

Oh, one of the Janoskians is/was dating Ariana Grande.


We knew about that because Ariana is a real *~*~cEleBrItY~*~*. It doesn’t help us figure out what they are, but it's semi-relevant, we guess.

It seems like the dudes started to learn to sing about a year ago.

It appears as if only two or three of them actually do the singing.

We’re not sure what the point of any of this is.

They are going on an already sold-out “world tour” apparently…

We don’t know exactly what it is that they are “touring.”

Their TWO songs?

Their pranks?

What do they DO on this tour?

They also seem to be amateur bodybuilders.


So, um, we’re not any closer to truly discovering what a Janoskian really IS, so we’re gonna go with “Internet persons who have songs, but also like pranks.”

Good. Done. Goodnight. We never want to spell the word Janoskian ever again.