Hey, they can’t all be Miracle on 34th Streets.
It’s not easy making a Christmas movie mainstay that families will watch for generations to come.
It’s a Wonderful Life did it. A Christmas Story did it. More recently, Elf did it. But for every awesome Christmas flick, there are about ten terrible ones. And Tim Allen, god bless him, stars in about half of them.
Fandango, the online movie ticket retailer, asked its customers which Christmas movies are the worst. And without further adieu, here are the 10 worst Christmas movies of all time.
1. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: I’m not sure why this one placed first, because it has awesome written all over it. The 1964 B-movie was named Fandango's number one Worst Christmas Movie of all time. It cost $20,000 to make and told the story of some aliens who kidnap Santa and force him to bring his Christmas magic to Mars.
2. Silent Night, Deadly Night: Slasher meets Christmas? It doesn’t sound like it’d work, and it didn’t. The 1984 movie is about a young kid who witnesses his parents’ brutal murder by a man dressed as Santa. The boy then grows up to become a serial killer. Happy holidays!
3. Jingle All the Way: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, and Phil Hartman? How did this movie even make the list? Apparently, because it’s really, really terrible. Not only did it make Fandango’s list of one of the Worst Christmas Movies of all time, website Videogum voted it the Worst Movie of All Time, period.
They write: “This movie is so f-cking stupid and deplorable. It’s deplorable!”
Wow. Tell us how you really fe—
“I hate it. I hate it so much.”
4. Jack Frost: If this movie teaches anything, it’s that if you ignore your kid and then die, it’s okay! You can always come back as a snowman to make things right. Probably the funniest part about this film is that the reason Michael Keaton’s character ignores his son is to focus on his Christmas-themed rock band. Yeah, you read that right. I don’t know what’s more of a stretch—being reincarnated as a snowman or a Christmas-themed rock band becoming popular.
5. Santa With Muscles: Hulk Hogan gets amnesia and then thinks he’s Santa Claus. Enough said.
6. Ernest Saves Christmas: Oh, come on, this one’s not that bad, is it? I would tell you what this movie’s about but, really, I think the title pretty much sums it up.
7. Home Alone 3: Let’s face it, Macaulay Culkin made the first two Home Alone movies.
8. Deck the Halls: Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick play neighbors who compete over who can decorate their house more. Memorable quote? “That's what Christmas memories are made from, they're not planned, they're not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen.”
9. Surviving Christmas: Not even James Gandolfini could save this movie. The movie has been labeled a “box office failure,” raking in $14 million globally. It was nominated for three Razzie Awards, including Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Benn Affleck) and Worst Screenplay.
10. Christmas With the Kranks: Tim Allen tried. He really tried to make a Christmas comeback after The Santa Clause. Unfortunately, it didn’t work. But despite negative reviews, the film did well in the box office. It’s grossed $96,572,480 worldwide.