Thankfully celebrities have mouths and their jobs require them to use them, otherwise we wouldn't have these super deep thoughts to mull over.
Like cracking open a fortune cookie that's riddled with typos, here's the most outrageous quotes this week...
“Didn’t one girl get ‘Drake’ across her forehead? That’s crazy! That’s a dedicated fan. I was thinking about ‘Chris Brown’ across this cheek.” – Miley Cyrus, joking with a German media outlet [E!]
“We’ve all gone through those. Your boyfriend is not who he says he is, he tries on your clothes when you leave…” – Miley, when asked if she’s ever dated a gay guy before [Bossip]
“As a rule we never discuss clients’ particular orders. Suffice to say, with a bed like this Kim and Kanye will have little excuse to leave their bedroom.” – managing director of Savoir Beds, Alistair Hughes, on Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s recent orders of six beds priced at $200,000 each [Extra]
“Vamos Brasilizar!” – John Travolta, in his new, confusing Brazilian commercial
“Stefani, you suck” – Lana Del Rey, in a leaked song from 2009 about Lady Gaga [Hollyscoop]
"#HAPPYBIRTHDAY to my very very #BeautifulBear the nicest,sweetest,funniest,sexiest bear there is!!!! Love u xooxo @JLo" – Casper Smart tweeted to his girlfriend Jennifer Lopez [Twitter]