Miley Cyrus kicked off her Bangerz tour on Friday night and it’s exactly the messy kind of trash monster you were expecting.
Proceed with caution.
She slides down a tongue modeled after her own.
This image brainwashes you.
This guy gets the Robin Thicke treatment.
She straddles a big ole weiner...
And then goes down on a Bill Clinton look-alike.
This backup dancer wears a terrifying Britney Spears mask.
Miley defiles an old car.
She objectifies this woman’s backside.
She pleasures herself.
Like, a lot.
She makes it rain, which is cool…
But then she laps it all up with her tongue.
She has terrible teeth.
She humps this giant paw while dressed in assless chaps.
She gives and receives a lot of humping.
This terrifying dog statue just chills in the middle of the stage, staring at you and turning you to stone.
This incoherent text thing…occurs.
The foam finger is back.
Her own decapitated head floats ominously above the stage.
But mostly the show is just a lot of this...
And Miley humping anything she can get her crotch next to.
You’ve been warned.