Somehow, I don’t remember Snow White running off with the guitarist of a cheesy 80s band and then asking Bravo if they want to option the story.
Last week, after her husband Tareq thought she was kidnapped, it was discovered that Michaele Salahi left him for Journey guitarist Neal Schon. (Side note, I may very well accidentally type Schlong instead of Schon in this story.)
If you were born after 1989 and don’t know who Journey is, they're that band that everyone always sings at karaoke while you’re waiting in line to do a Lady Gaga song. You know--Streeeet light! Peeeeople!--and that's right about the time someone spills a drink all over the mic.
Anyway, Michaele and Neal—who texted a photo of his penis to Tareq—say they consider their story to be a modern day “fairytale.”
“I’m very happy, very happy after waiting for her for 15 years,” Schon told The Daily Beast. “Now I want to get beyond all this media hype that Tareq has put out there. It’s really quite embarrassing.”
Really? It's as embarrassing as dating a White House Crasher?
The Real Housewife of DC star said that in the late nineties she was dating both Tareq and Schon.
“I chose Tareq over Neal because I thought life would be less stressful living on a vineyard in Virginia," she said. "Life on the road with a rock band… well, I thought I might not have been able to keep up."
Little did she know that the most she’d have to “keep up” with was a tribute episode on Glee. Those rock stars are crazy, I tell you.
Michaele and Schon recently reunited at a concert in Virginia earlier in the month, and ever since, they were communicating via text.
Finally, when they realized they couldn’t keep their passion and love under control any longer, they decided to do something about it.
“I began to see [Neal] really loved me,” Michaele said. “I had to begin to feel it completely—in my soul.”
Dammit, now I’m starting to get all, “awe, how cute.” Reminder to self: this is the crazy Real Housewife lady.
Cool, that worked. Empathy terminated.
So finally, during a Journey concert on Labor Day weekend, Michaele took off her wedding ring and decided to go for it. And by “it” I mean infidelity.
"She [looked] down on me... and says, 'I love you. And that's never gonna change.' And when that happened, I said, 'Get over here! This has taken 15 years.'"
Don’t Stop Believing fades in. Cut to black. Credit Roll.