Snap, crackle, pop… No, that ain’t your breakfast cereal talking. It’s your morning headlines. That’s right, it’s Headline Wednesday…
The stars are at it again… And their shenanigans are as present as ever this week. We’ve got shotgun weddings. We’ve got shotgun divorces. We’ve got grandma Queens wishing they had shotguns so they can force their relatives to get pregnant.
Matthew McConaughey is by far the biggest story this week. The actor got sneaky and married his longtime lover Camila Alves over the weekend on their Austin, Texas property. Details are flowing in on the elaborate celebration.
The whispers are a’hummin for Kate Middleton’s wants/needs to have a baby. William’s reportedly getting pressure from Kate and Kate’s getting pressure from the Queen to make it happen.
Once again… the Kardashians dysfunctional family matters have provided us with some quality gossip. Scott has reportedly abandoned Kourtney, and Kendall and Kylie need to learn to be more ladylike.
Also, Jennifer Aniston is showing her boyfriend off in Paris, France, the 'Teen Moms' are acting up, and Miley’s allegedly struggling to get Liam down the alter.
All that, some diet tips, and a Charlize Theron bald head… It’s Headline Wednesday, folks… Try not to cry about it.
“Matthew McConaughey: Our Wedding Album” – Matthew McConaughey and his longtime Brazilian model sweetheart got hitched over the weekend… It was a celebrity-attended, campground themed, three-day extravaganza.
“Tom Cruise: On Katie, Kids, and Turning 50!” Kate’s an inspiration, the kids are fun, and growing up is a dream.
“88 Hottest Summer Bodies” – People showers us with photos… Kate Upton, Vanessa Hudgens, T-Swift, Nicki Minaj, Katie Holmes, Kate Moss, Kim K, Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, and a bunch of other people who look good from any angle.
“Hot Mama!” – Charlize Theron looks good with or without hair.
“Fighting for Her Life Again” After recovering for a battle with breast cancer, “Good Morning America” anchor Robin Roberts opens up about new blood disorder.
“Their Private World” – Kate Middleton and her royal hubby are trying for a baby. Also she has good hair and cooks…
“Jen’s Romantic Paris Getaway” – Jennifer Aniston jets off to France with manfriend Justin Theroux.
“Lauren Manzo: Surgery Helped Me Lose 30 Lbs” – … How did this make the cover?
“’Jersey Shore’ Shockers” – A bar brawl, x-rated pics, a drunk bust… The guido cast tries to stay relevant as cast member roles on the show change.
“Teen Mom’s Catelyn: I’m Pregnant” – MTV couple Catelyn and Tyler gear up for baby number two. They plan on keeping this one and are hoping for a girl (Catelynn later says this isn't true)
“Who’s Lying to Emily?” – “Bachelorette” Emily Maynard finds herself dating a batch of bad apples.
“Kourtney’s Secret Pain” – Scott Disick abandons Kourtney K just before the baby’s arrival date… Long story, short… he’s a tool.
“Inside Her Prison Hell!” – Awww yeah… inside the behind bars life of teen mom, Amber Portwood. Reportedly, the other inmates are picking on her.
“Miley & Liam: Why Her Wedding Won’t Happen” – Reasons reportedly include “Jealousy, tempers, and immaturity.”
“Kardashian Scandall” – Kendall and Kylie, 16 and 14, are wasting no time launching a career thanks to their overbearing mom…. Check out their promiscuous photos!
“Will & Kate: Under Pressure To Have a Baby” – The Queen reportedly wants Kate to get knocked up already!
“Best and Worst Moms!” – Amazing spread breaking down the physics behind why Sandra Bullock rocks and why Amber Portwood sucks…
“The Next Teen Mom?” – Miley Cyrus… According to the mag, clues revealed that the former Disney star is already preggers… No drinking, nausea, mood swings… Time to jump to conclusions.
“Jessica’s Struggle” – She’s having a hard time loosing the weight she gained from all those Chili’s runs.
Life & Style:
“Yes, I’m Engaged” – Secret details revealed about Emily Maynard’s proposal that may or my not have happened… A 4-carat rock is involved!
“Kris’ Revenge on Kim” – Kris Humphries makes up for missing Kim Kardashian’s giant butt in his life by reportedly dating two woman at once.
“Sofia Back With Her Bad Boy”- After breaking up, Sofia Vergara was seen out and about boyfriend Nick Loeb again.
“Dirty Divorce” – Kris Jenner, Barbra Streisand and Melanie Griffith marriages are all reportedly on the brink of collapse… whose is worth saving? Babs with Bill Clinton… What?
“200 Lb Kirstie’s Weight Explodes” – The actress who re-defined yo-yo dieting, Kirstie Alley, is reportedly out of control once again.