Remember when Lindsay Lohan's character in Mean Girls was a star mathlete who could solve calculus problems with both eyes closed and her hands tied behind her back?
Well, here's some fun math trivia for you: Lindsay has spent approximately 86% of her twenties on probation, in rehab, or on bail.
Since she turned 20, she's only been technically free for 13.6% of it.
Damn, Africa, what happened?!
In this breakdown of Lindsay Squared, we answer that conundrum with some LiLo by the numbers.
As we summed up in the trials and tribulations of Lindsay's legal fees from 2007 all the way through 2011, it cost Lindsay over a million dollars to keep herself in check with the law.
Since her most recent 90-day rehab sentence, she continues to rack up her legal bills, something the Chateau Marmont can testify to under oath.
Her most recent payment came in the amount of $150,000 to former superstar lawyer and my spirit animal Shawn Holley after Lindsay decided to shack up with totally basic attorney Mark Heller.
There's no concrete number in regards to how much she owes Heller, but let's be generous and use the "high-powered" standard fee of $600 per day in his case. Lindsay's known Heller for a total of 60 days, or $36,000 worth of memories.
Another man in LiLo's life who's ready to collect? Uncle Sam. Lindsay still owes the U.S. government $133,000 in back taxes.
Finally, the last dollar amount to consider is the one she'll have to pay the rehabilitation facility her best friend (the California Court System) is ordering her to reside at for three months. Average cost: $60,000.
Add it all up, carry the zero, average out the remainder and other math jargon I left in 11th grade and…
For Lindsay to be bad 86% of the time, it only costs $1,391,500.
Actually, wait—to her credit, she DID earn $100 a day shooting the indie film The Canyons. There's no confirmable production schedule, so let's assume shooting took no more than a month and she made $3,000 for it.
Which means it now only costs an affordable $1,388,500 to be a twenty-something Lindsay Lohan. Totally worth it, right?