Earlier this month, In Touch revealed the names of 30 dudes that Lindsay Lohan has allegedly slept with.
Since most of those dudes are super famous…we wonder…where have they all ended up POST SEX WITH LINDSAY?
The only names omitted are the total non-famous randos we legitimately could not identify.
Ashton Kutcher: He is engaged and expecting his first child with MILA FREAKING KUNIS.
Ryan Phillippe: Clearly still recovering from Lindsay’s carnal wiles, Ryan has been floundering around LA, tweeting and filming pilots that might never get aired.
Stavros Niarchos: Stavros has been with Australian Sports Illustrated model Jessica Hart for the past three years. He is still filthy rich with Greek shipping heir money.
PC Valmorbida: PC still appears to be an art curator and friends with other socialite-art-gallery types, but he’s not THAT famous and doesn’t have an Instagram, so we really have no idea what he’s up to post-Lindsay.
Joaquin Phoenix: Other than being nominated for an Oscar for Her, Joaquin is happily dating 20-year-old DJ girlfriend Allie Teilz.
Lukas Haas: Lukas Haas is STILL Leonardo DiCaprio’s best friend, in fact he was JUST yachting around St. Barts with Leo and Toni Garrn.
Nico Tortorella: Nico is an actor on the Kevin Bacon series, "The Following." He appears to still be friends with Lindsay Lohan.
Evan Peters: Evan Peters is on “American Horror Story” and engaged to Emma Roberts.
Danny Cipriani: He’s an English rugby player and totally single, but definitely ripped.
Maggio Cipriani: No apparent relation to Danny Cipriani, he appears to have just opened the Mr. C hotel in Beverly Hills.
Benicio del Toro: The actor just finished up Guardians of the Galaxy and has a child with Kimberly Stewart.
Aaron Voros: Aaron is a retired hockey player. That’s about all we know.
Jamie Burke: Jamie is still a male model and he’s engaged to fellow model, Mila de Wit.
Jamie Dornan: Jamie Dornan is happily married with one child and currently filming the lead role in Fifty Shades of Grey.
Zac Efron: Currently post-rehabbing himself and getting into fights with random hobos in downtown LA.
Orlando Bloom: Orlando is presently divorced from wife Miranda Kerr. Other than that, he’s chillin'.
Justin Timberlake: Justin Timberlake is still married to Jessica Biel and still enjoying being Jay Z’s best friend.
Josh Mond: Josh is a film producer and will direct an upcoming movie starring Kid Cudi and Ron Livingston.
Colin Farrell: Colin Farrell is sober now, but he's still trolling around Hollywood, looking for love.
Max George: Max George WAS in The Wanted, but they are supposedly breaking up, or something.
Guy Berryman: The Coldplay bassist is STILL in Coldplay and is recently engaged to Dutch model Keshia Gerrits.
James Franco: As of this morning, James Franco denied ever sleeping with Lindsay Lohan, so…
Adam Levine: Adam Levine is still fronting Maroon 5, judging “The Voice” and engaged to Victoria’s Secret model Behati Prinsloo.
Garrett Hedlund: Garrett is dating Kirsten Dunst and preparing to film the Tron sequel.
Riley Giles: Riley Giles is a snowboarder Lindsay met in rehab; he does not appear to have done anything since dating Lindsay in 2007.
Petey Wright: Petey Wright is a male model who posed with Lindsay for a scandalous Muse magazine shoot. He doesn’t appear to model anymore and lives in Nashville, TN.
What have we learned here? That sleeping with Lindsay Lohan will point you towards a supermodel fiancée or a totally shit life. It can go either way.