Lindsay Lohan Plans To Adopt, Expects An Oscar

November 21, 2012 By:
Lindsay Lohan Plans To Adopt, Expects An Oscar
Image By:

I know what’s on Lindsay Lohan’s Christmas list this year… But I don’t think even Santa Claus himself could pull this tall order out of his ass…

As the actress’ big Lifetime debut in “Liz & Dick” nears, articles highlighting the born again actress’ journey back into cinematic relevance are popping up throughout celebrity gossip outlets. But, there’s no hiding that she might be getting a little ahead of herself with some of her demands…

In one extended sit-down interview with Us Weekly, Lindsay revealed that she plans to start building her own leg onto the already dysfunctional Lohan family.

“I want to adopt a son,” she told the celeb news mag.

“I don’t want to deal with a mini-me!” she said, adding that a daughter was out of the question. 

But don’t go feeling sorry for the poor child that winds up under Lindsay’s command just yet. It would take quite a series of unfortunate events for any adoption agency to overlook her 6 arrests, 203 days in rehab, 20,274 minutes in jail, and $736,380 in alleged stolen goods—numbers provided by the same article—and grant LiLo the gift of “parenthood.”

Then again, the law tends to bend for celebrities…

Also in the interview, Lindsay let slip that she would not only like an Academy Award for her trophy shelf, but frankly is expecting one.

“After I win an Oscar,” she started (yes, that’s a direct quote), “I can start thinking about love.”

Um, does she realize that “Outstanding Performance in a Lifetime Movie” is not a category provided by the Academy?

In the quote, Lindsay was referring to the question of if she’d ever find a partner to settle down with. But, alas… For now, she is married only to her work. 

In her defense, Lindsay seemed sincere and truly convinced about getting her life and career back on track. Which deserves either a “Good for her!” or an “Oh…that’s just sad” from us…

The full Us Weekly interview is available on stands now.