Lindsay Lohan: I Need Professional Help, Not Prison

December 17, 2012 By:
Lindsay Lohan: I Need Professional Help, Not Prison

Another Monday, another puzzling rationalization from Lindsay Lohan that only makes sense if you’re Lindsay Lohan. The latest in this holiday edition of LiLo Logic: The Unsolvable Crossword Puzzle That Keeps On Giving is that the troubled actress admits she needs help for a problem she doesn’t even have. Come again? We'd like to phone a friend, and can that phone a friend be Lindsay Lohan, because no one can answer this riddle without her wisdom.

The troubled 26-year-old part-time actress, full-time lawbreaker is allegedly saying she’s totally clean and sober, but her thought process sounds completely inebriated here.

After missing her arraignment last week, prosecutors are aiming for a 245-day prison sentence to seriously keep the girl in good standing—a path that’s been rather wobbly lately given her penchant for punching psychics and missing court days to hang out with her “boyfriend” Max George.

In order to fight this, according to sources in Lindsay’s orbit, she’s trying to show the presiding judge some self-awareness. She says she’s doing better than ever, that it’s really all about her struggle with simply controlling an impulse problem. In the same breath, she’s also contending that people are “opportunists” taking advantage of this vulnerable weakness, purposely trying to get her to screw up at every turn. In that case, other common “opportunists” in her excuse-a-minute world would include stoplights when they turn red and that The Wanted’s tour schedule which doesn’t coincide with the California court systems because #LiLoLogic.

With another hearing looming January 25 Lindsay is on a campaign to get professional treatment over institutionalized imprisonment. She’s asking friends, family, and her spirit guide (LiLOL) to pen personal letters to the presiding judge to convince the court that jail is not the best option for her celebrity circumstances.

Basically Lindsay is wrapping her entire defense case up in crumpled stationary from her BFFs while rubbing rock crystals along with her honest word. Good luck with that!