So, Lindsay Lohan is still walking free, which means there’s plenty of Lindsay Lohan stories up for grabs…
Daddy Warbucks Sheen: After gifting the “Liz & Dick” star a cool $100K to get her out of tax debt, Charlie Sheen has offered to play mentor to the tumbling star.
For whatever reason, madman Sheen has a vested interest in seeing Lindsay pull herself out of the black hole she's living in lately. Either he relates to her in some booze-altering, up-all-night-on-nose-candy kind of way, or—as we previously guessed—he just wants to get into her pants.
He tells TMZ that it’s definitely not the latter…
“I love her," he said. "I respect her, and I've never laid a finger on her that wasn't on film [Scary Movie 5]. How ya like me now, America?”
Screw Off, Sheen Dog: Unfortunately, Lindz’ veins don’t flow with the same unrelenting tiger blood as the “Anger Management” star. Also, she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him.
According to TMZ, her people told him thanks but no thanks. Instead, she’ll stick to her therapist.
No Mo’ Pu$$yfootin’: Speaking of her lawyer, Mark Heller, a judge more-or-less called him an idiot in court last week.
Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge James Dabney, who will surely become a celebrity himself in the coming months, has denied Lindsay’s “compassion” plea to delay her trial.
As the L.A. Times relays, Dabney told Heller, “I don't know how the next two weeks is suddenly going to change the history of this case, these cases.”
Also refused were Heller’s pleas to drop criminal charges based on his claim that she wasn’t Mirandized properly… Trial is set for March 18. Bring some popcorn.