The Biggest Messes in the Biz

June 24, 2011 By:
The Biggest Messes in the Biz

Every year or so, someone who used to be a celebrity magically turns into a sh-t show.

When this happens, bloggers everywhere rejoice that they don’t have to look at photos of January Jones pregnant belly for a while and instead can put their time to good use, like figuring out the best tweet they can throw a #Duhwinning hashtag onto.

Let’s look at the biggest hot messes in the biz and their contributions to crazytown.

Charlie Sheen: Sheen has been a coked-out mess for most of his professional life. He crashes cars off cliffs, trashes hotel rooms (just your basic spoiled celeb behavior) but it wasn’t until he started talking that everyone realized he was bat sh-t insane. He claims his veins pump “tigers blood,” was living with two young porn stars he calls his “Goddesses,” refers to the rest of the world as “trolls,” and overuses 80s slang and coins new terms like “Duh, Winning.” If we were friends on Facebook, my newsfeed would be saying, “Charlie Sheen was at Crazytown with 0 others.”

Amy Winehouse: Winehouse has been a hot tranny mess since she arrived on the music scene. C’mon, her first hit was “Rehab,” she wasn’t exactly being subtle about it. From that beehive haircut, to carving her boyfriends name into her stomach with a piece of broken glass, to only wearing wife beaters and cut-off denim, she’s a mess. Unfortunately, she’s actually talented, but at a recent concert in Belgrade she was booed offstage after she drunkenly stumbled around and didn’t sing any of the lyrics to her song.

Whitney Houston: Houston was once the most awarded female artist of all time, she has like 30 Billboard Music Awards. Then sometime near the late 1990’s she kind of disappeared from the music scene, holed up with Bobby Brown and became a total addict. Though she will admit that she never smoked crack, because that is a poor persons drug and she is a diva dammit!

Mel Gibson: The 55 year old actor/racist/anti-semite/homophobe is currently dating some gothic S&M model, but that’s nothing compared to the awful things he’s said in the past few years. Gibson made headlines yet again last summer for his horribly racist and misogynistic phone rant towards his then girlfriend and mother of his child, Oksana Grigorieva. Why does Hollywood keep giving this guy work?

Who are some of the trainwrecks in training?

Lindsay Lohan better stop her DUI and shoplifting stint and clean up her act and maybe she can pull off a Robert Downey Jr.-like return to showbiz.

Paula Abdul is a pretty legit hot mess, but since she’s left American Idol, we just don’t know what incoherent babble she’s spewing these days.