From Dr. Phil to Spielberg: Hollywood Men With Too Much Money

September 13, 2011 By:
From Dr. Phil to Spielberg: Hollywood Men With Too Much Money

There’s a lot of money floating around Hollywood. If you get the right gig, you can make thousands a day just holding a boom mic. So imagine how much the show runners make—the directors, producers, executives, Brad’s disgusting.

Yet, we only have ourselves to blame. We love our entertainment. A lot. If you want to see how much people love their entertainment, try turning off the TV while someone is watching the American Idol results. Beware, it can get ugly.

Here are the top ten Highest Paid Men in Entertainment of 2010-2011, according to Forbes.

1. Tyler Perry: $130 million: Apparently, someone is actually watching Meet the Browns, House of Payne, and Madea’s Big Happy Family. I don’t want to say these movies are terrible, because I think the billboards of Tyler Perry dressing in drag under the caption: “GOOD AFTERNOONT!” speak for themselves. Maybe Tyler is onto something here, though. Because it looks like he’s playing every character in the movie himself. Guy saves a ton on actors' salaries.

2. Jerry Bruckheimer: $113 million: Bruckheimer made a couple of stinkers that bombed this year--The Sorcerer’s Apprentice and Prince of Persia. Thank god for the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. On Stranger Tides earned one billion globally. Who knew two and a half hours of Johnny Depp channeling Mick Jagger would be worth so much money?

3. Steven Spielberg: $107 million: Steven Spielberg is such a baller, I don’t even think he’s done anything this year, and he still made hundreds of millions. Ok, he has done something. He did two big-budget movies, War Horse and The Adventures of Tintin. Yeah, I have no idea what they are either. Damn Spielberg.

4. Sir Elton John: $100 million: Thanks to his worldwide tour, Elton John managed to get in the top five. Do people like Elton John? Let’s put it this way. I once had my car broken into, and all of my CDs were stolen except one: Elton John’s Greatest Hits. I’m just sayin’. But between showing up to the royal wedding and making Lady Gaga his baby’s godmother, he’s managed to stay relevant. And Daniel might not be the coolest song anymore, but we still love Elton.

5. Simon Cowell: $90 million: I’m actually kind of surprised that Simon Cowell isn’t higher up on this list. He basically owns every talent show on TV in England and the United States. And when one of them caps off in ratings, he just creates another one and gives it a different name. And we watch it. Because we love it.

6. James Patterson: $84 million: I was confused why I had never heard of this guy, and apparently, he writes these things called books. It’s like TV, but all the pictures are words. On a page. It’s really weird and hard to explain. Kind of like blogging? I don’t know, ask your grandparents.

7. Dr. Phil McGraw: $80 million: This ain’t ma first rodeo, son! Dr. Phil is a direct result of The Oprah Effect. Like a fairy godmother, Oprah waved her magic wand over Dr. Phil and turned him from Texas Yokel to Entertainment Gold. And just for fun, here are a few (real) Dr. Phil quotes:

If someone out there doesn't agree with me, then somewhere a village is missing their idiot.
Your feelings? To hell with your feelings!
No dog ever peed on a moving car.

8. Leonardo DiCaprio: $77 million: Somehow the only actor in the list, it just goes to show, behind every rich man is an even richer man, puppeteering him.

9. Howard Stern: $76 million: When Howard Stern moved to satellite radio, people wondered whether he’d be able to stay in the entertainment game. Well, he did. Sure, he has to embarrass every person he interviews with detailed questions about their sex lives, but hey, whatever it takes.

10. Tiger Woods: $75 million : Pulling up the rear, Tiger Woods comes in at number ten. My instinct here is to rehash a bunch of Tiger Woods jokes, but you’ve heard them all. So I’ll just get to the jist of the commentary: he likes sex and he has a lot of money.