Kris Humphries isn't getting much out of this divorce. Because of the lockout, he's got no job, and since there was a prenup, he doesn’t get to take home any Kardashian money as a parting gift. I mean, I guess he gets to go back to spelling his name with a "C" again, but that's about it.
Oh, and then there's the matter of that $2 million ring. He doesn’t get that, either. First of all, he didn’t pay for it. And second, under California law, since the marriage is legal, he would lose any rights to the ring even if he did buy it.
So what will Kim Kardashian do with that rock? Here are some ideas: sell it and feed a small village, sell it and feed a large village, give it back to E!, use it to invest in her mom's next facelift…the list goes on. Then again, she can always keep it as a souvenir. The vacation wasn't very long, but whatever.
My guess is, it will go back in the E! prop closet, where it belongs. Because the public is finally getting hip to the fact that this whole thing was a publicity stunt anyway. An anonymous source from the E! network is saying that Kim was "never really into" her husband, but went along with the hoax as a "publicity stunt."
Is there anyone out there who still thinks anything that happens on Keeping Up With the Kardashians is actually real? If so, it's the same people who think professional wrestling is real. Basically, you should take this split as seriously as you did when Kelly Kapowski and Zach Morris broke up on that episode of Saved by the Bell.
The network was holding emergency meetings following Kim's announcement yesterday. A statement from E! read:
"All of us at E! are surprised and saddened by this news."
Yeah, sad that you have to hire more writers for the divorce special.
"And we send our support to Kim and Kris at this difficult time. The Kardashians have always been uniquely open with all aspects of their lives from joyous events to intimate moments to heartbreaking transitions. "
Uniquely? The Kardashians made $65 million last year. So yeah, I guess that is unique. Not everyone gets paid millions of bucks to turn themselves into characters.
"E! will continue to share the fascinating real lives and larger-than-life existence of this close-knit family."
Yes, I'm sure they will.
Sources close to Kim and Kris confirm that their relationship was "pretty much an arranged marriage right from the start." A source said:
"Kim was looking for a husband and Kris was selected for her, amongst others. She wasn't really into him but she hoped she would be able to develop some feelings, but it never happened. Kris turned out to not be as malleable as everyone hoped he would be, he was pictured out partying with other girls, Kim really couldn't care less for him, she decided to end it."
Oh, I should probably also mention that Kris Jenner has a book coming out this week. And not only that, yesterday on Twitter, Kim wrote:
"Our store #KardashianKhaos is opening tomorrow at 9am at @TheMirageLV We are so excited!! Kardashian Khaos has arrived!” Kardashian Khaos indeed…"
So basically, on the divorce papers, instead of "irreconcilable differences," Kim should've cited "promoting my store and my mom's book" as the reason for filing.