Besides the fact that I have the same netflix DVDs sitting on my coffee table longer than Kim and Kris's marriage lasted, their short lived marriage has been troubled from the start.
Let's take a look at all the red flags along the way. Let's call it, Kim and Kris Humphries: The Road to Divorce.
1) Kris calls out Kim K for being a Valley "Princess":
During Part two of Kim Kardashian's E! channel Wedding Extravaganza (which really wasn't so much a "wedding" extravaganza but rather four hours of Khloe sh-t talking while Kim is filmed going to bed in full make-up) Kris H gets in Kim's face about her high maintenance behavior.
When the couple was dramatically discussing whether Kim should drop her last name and take her husbands last name of Humphries, Kim finally decided that she wasn't going to take Kris' last name.
Kris, upset, confessed, "I just wish that you would be a little bit more down to earth about the wedding process."
"I live in a different world," Kim tries to reason, "I was definitely raised in a different world than like ---yeehaw!---Minnesota, and that's fine,"
Besides the fact that I don't think they do any "yeehaw"-ing in Minnesota, Kim basically just resents Kris for not growing up the Princess of Calabasas like she did.
However, the fight doesn't end there. Humphries snaps back, "Four years ago you sold clothes in a boutique in the Valley. Now, like all the sudden, you're miss princess!"
Kris: 1 Kim: 0
2) Kris questions Khloe's marriage:
In one of the last episodes of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" Kris Humphries asked Khloe if her marriage to Lamar Odom was "real" or just for TV. Which is ironic because Kim K and Kris H's marriage is totally, "just for TV."
Naturally Khloe was pissed when Kris asked this and accused Kris of using Kim for money/fame etc. He lashed back at Khloe, "Are you sure you're not just using Lamar? He's a Laker...he's got championships. After, are you going to find a tall successful guy to have kids with?"
Kris: 2 Khloe: 0
3) Kris accuses Kim of falling in love too quickly:
In the now defunct E! wedding special Kris accuses Kim of falling in love with every guy she dates, aka calls her out for being a love-slut.
"You are saying I'm just the fourth or fifth dude for Kim. I've never been married. She's been on that level with every guy she dates,” Kris snaps “Maybe I should question her intentions.”
No really, you should question her intentions. Or you should hire a management team that doesn't marry you off like some kind of New Jersey prince with a basketball dowry.
Kris: 3 Kim: Still 0
4) Kris calls Kourtney boring and immature:
While on vacation in Bora-Bora Kris calls out Kourtney for being boring.
"Kourtney, just because you have a kid and don't have any fun any more, doesn't mean you're all mature," says Kris.
Hahah too bad it's true, except sometimes Kourtney wears high waisted pants and red lipsticks and I'm always like, Oh Kourtney is the mature one.
Kris: 4 Kourtney: 0