In the ever-developing downward spiral that is Lindsay Lohan’s career, it looks like her next stepping stone could be alongside a stripper pole.
The actress, who is in another financial SNAFU regarding mysterious storage locker (maybe this is where her career is hiding?) bills and massive IRS debts, was recently offered a gig from Scores, the notorious NYC strip club. The offer is that if Lindsay hosts online chats for their website—they’re not even requiring her to be nude!—they’ll help pay off her debt. If she accepts it, this wouldn’t be much a stretch for LiLo considering she already channeled her inner stripper in her film I Know Who Killed Me.
However, this did get us reflecting on all those other celebrity endorsements that made zero sense whatsoever and reeked of desperation, awkwardness, and/or embarrassment.
1. Kim Kardashian for Charmin Portable Restrooms
In 2010 Kim Kardashian assigned her name to Charmin public portable bathroom stalls. The reality TV star will associate her name with anything as long as there’s some kind of paycheck, regardless of the product. Let’s be real, there’s no way Kim would ever use a public portable restroom—unless that public portable restroom lets you wipe your butt with money.
2. Kris Jennifer for Zestra arousal oils
Keeping it in the family, momager Kris Jenner didn’t just jump on the endorsements deal bandwagon, but also into bed with the sex industry. In 2012, she was named the face, hands, lower back, inner thighs—we’ll stop right there—of a line of sexy time oils to be used during intercourse. This is just all kinds of awkward because what tepid woman looking to spice up her love life IMMEDIATELY thinks Kris Jenner?
3. Whoopi Goldberg for Poise Pads
In true Whoopi fashion, this campaign was funny. It featured Whoopi reenacting recognizable women through history—the Statue of Liberty, the Princess from “The Princess and the Pea”—right as they’ve, whoops, peed themselves. But why would she do it? Does she genuinely have a problem with leaking a little too frequently? If so, cancel all my future tickets to “The View.” I wouldn’t want to be in that audience if that’s the case.
4. Shannen Doherty for educationconnection.com
Apparently Shannen doesn’t have a degree, because if she did she wouldn’t have signed on to do this commercial. Shannen represents an online degree service, claiming she can now become a chemist, nurse, or lawyer in real life, not just on TV (I didn’t know she was even still on TV…). Obviously lacks all sincerity because I doubt Shannen even wants a degree online or otherwise. Also glaring is that Shannen portrayed a witch in TV’s “Charmed” and you can’t get a degree in being a witch from educationconnection.com. False advertising!
5. Bob Dole for Viagra
Those four words again: Bob. Dole. For. Viagra. Do we really have to explain more??
6. Serena Williams for Tampons
The way tampon commercials incorporate a sporty lifestyle into their ads is already a point of parody. It’s understandable then why they’d want to incorporate an amazing talent like Serena into their brand then, to give the whole thing more seriousness and respectability. Except the copywriting on this one backfired on them like a reverse shot from the tennis champ herself. Here’s an excerpt for you: “Well, there is plenty of blood, but none of it’s bad!” Um, ew.
7. Dina and Michael Lohan for Dial-a-Star
While Dina and Michael might not be on the service anymore, they were at one point considered some of the “stars” (LOL) you could dial-in. This is just a business waiting to fail for two reasons: a) 2004, the year 2012 texted, no one likes to talk on the phone anymore, and b) Nadya Suleman and two ex-“Real Housewives of New York” cast members are the most famous people that you wouldn’t want to talk to in real life, let alone dial on here.