When you’re married in Hollywood, there’s always a doomsday clock ticking toward divorce, and rumors of a split are constant.
That’s why some of us were genuinely surprised when Russell Brand and Katy Perry announced their breakup, despite reports that it was coming. Some of us also cried into our pillows, because if a recovering heroin addict and a self-proclaimed “total vapid slut” jammer can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Fans weren’t the only ones caught off guard. According to People, friends of the couple were genuinely surprised by the news as well.
"I was shocked when I found out," a source tells People. "I was really surprised that Russell filed for divorce so quickly – especially at Christmas time."
The source continues, “I thought they would be together for a long time. Maybe not forever – but definitely not just 14 months."
And now I owe the people in my Celeb Divorce Pool fifty bucks!
“They were always laughing," the source says. "They were very affectionate, always holding hands. They seemed like they were really in love."
Another friend close to the couple says they both “took marriage very seriously.”
So then what happened? According to Us Weekly, Katy just couldn’t fulfill Russell’s sexual needs.
"Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her," a source tells the mag. "When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after."
The source continues that Brand’s fetishes were just too much.
“He likes dirty things. He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him.”
I have no idea how to even respond to that one, so I’ll just leave it, and slowly back out of the room now.