Calling all underemployed overachievers!
In preparation for the upcoming arrival of their baby, expected in July, Prince William and Kate Middleton are planning on hiring a “housekeeper” to help with things around the house.
Except, instead of what should be the coolest gig in the United Kingdom, the duties and responsibilities list reads more like an English-accented, white-knuckle hellride.
According to the UK’s Sunday Express, the selected applicant will be required to carry out the following tasks:
1. Scrub the royal quarters. Make that sh*t shine like the top of the Chrysler Building!
2. Make His and Her Majesty’s royal garb equally spot free. Use fabric softener, peon!
3. Clean silverware and glassware. The Duke and Duchess will NOT soil their mouths with water stains.
4. Errands. Fetch, servant. Fetch!
5. Prepare basic meals like caviar frittatas and sundaes sprinkled with golden leafs.
6. Care for dogs. Put their royal turds into the royal baggies.
7. Assist the Duke and Duchess' move into the new Kensington Palace property. Help hang curtains and chandeliers worth more than your entire life.
8. Work overtime. What do you think this is, summer camp? Work until you cry and then thank the royal couple for the tears.
All these duties, mind you, need to be completed in a brief, 37-hour work week.
Other than a soldier-like dedication, applicants are required to have other things like a current and valid U.K. driver's license, attention to detail, and a “willingness to learn.” The selected candidate will have, “discretion, loyalty and reliability,” so you can’t even brag to your friends about your bosses.
We’re not the only ones overwhelmed by the list. A royal insider says, “it is unheard of for one person to be asked to perform so many duties. Clearly the Duke and Duchess are going to get their money’s worth out of whoever gets the job.”
Nevertheless, 15 people are said to have applied to the nanny death mission. I hope they had their Wheaties…