How Kate Middleton is Breaking All the Rules

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How Kate Middleton is Breaking All the Rules

Here comes Kate Middleton with her perfect nose and coveted closet of peacoats looking all prim and proper and polite, except it’s just a well-manicured ruse.

Because underneath all that positive press is really a royal predator who has Buckingham in her crosshairs, on a mission to pull the British rugs from right under their gates before the baby arrives, according to In Touch.

Kate is a bigger threat to Buckingham than the sterile entail is to “Downton Abbey” because she wants her baby to—gasp!—have a normal-ish upbringing.

"She has massively broken with royal protocol,” says royal expert (yes, “royal expert,” just go with it) James McCourt. “Kate and Prince William are having this baby on their terms."

Those terms? Let us count the ways…

1. She doesn’t want to give birth at St. Mary’s Hospital. “She told William and his family that she wants to have birth at the Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading, which is just miles away from her parent's home,” McCourt added. “She is putting her foot down and no one can change her mind.”

2. She doesn’t want to dress her baby in “royal hand-me-downs,” garments that would’ve traditionally “been passed down through royal generations” because why inherit onesies from Sir Granthlord of Broke-shire when you’ve got all the pound in the world and can just buy them from the kids’ section of Topshop?

3. She doesn’t want an army of Mary Poppins around at all times. “Will and Kate have stated that they won’t have full-time nannies and will only be using them when they are doing royal engagements,” says (here we go…) another royal expert Yvonne York.

4. She doesn’t care if the baby’s dad is unemployed. William left his job at the Royal Air Force so he can be a freeloading father.

5. She should be taking it easy, but she won’t just sit herself down like a pregnant woman should. "Kate likes to be on the go," says an unnamed source. "William is telling her it's fine if she slows down, but she won't.” HOW DARE SHE.

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