It’s been a while since we’ve had a bogus celebrity lawsuit. I mean, the gay John Travolta scandal was soooo long ago. What new phony scandal is there to make us “lol” now?
Here are two new lawsuits that are completely untrue, but completely hilarious. One alleges that Justin Bieber stole money from Selena Gomez’s dad to get a penis enlargement and another lawsuit features a man posing as Chris Brown who claims to have contracted “Herpes from Barbados” from Rihanna.
In the Bieber case, a Michigan man claiming to be Selena’s dad has made the weirdest accusations against Bieber that I’ve ever heard.
If you thought “I had 5 minute sex with Bieber in a bathroom aka the Mariah Yeater story” was funny, wait till you hear these.
In the court documents, “Selena’s dad” writes, “Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my Canadian bear rug.”
Whatever lunatic filed these accusations also accused Usher Raymond, writing, “Usher came to my house on the forth of July 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry firework song in my ear drums.”
Wait, what!? That’s NOT even how you spell KATY PERRY.
Oh but here’s the kicker, the lawsuit continues, “Bieber also got a penis enlargement with my stolen American Express card.”
Does this guy KNOW how much money Bieber makes? He can afford his own penis enlargements, I’m sure.
Here’s another bogus case: Some guy claiming to actually be Chris Brown says he wants a restraining order against Rihanna for giving him “lethal” herpes.
"[Rihanna] gave me herpes and then when I threatened to file a lawsuit against her for not telling me she was infested with genital blisters she began to hit herself in the face and throw herself into walls just as Jim Carrey did in the movie Liar, Liar.”
It’s the Liar, Liar comment that is really the icing on the cake for me.
He also says, “this isn’t just a regular case of American herpes, this is a case of Herpes from Barbados, which is most likely lethal.”