It’s finally happened. The cute and cuddly fan obsession we’ve been calling “Bieber Fever” is now a full-fledged clinical diagnosis.
That’s right kids… Bieber Fever is a real disease, with actual science backing the claim.
Valerie Tweedle and Robert J. Smith at the Department of Biology at The University of Ottawa have published their findings:
“Recently, an outbreak of Bieber Fever has blossomed into a full pandemic, primarily among our youth,” the paper’s abstract reads. “This disease is highly infectious between individuals and is also subject to external media pressure, further strengthening the infection.”
The paper goes on to list the symptoms of “time-wasting, excessive purchasing of useless merchandise and uncontrollable crying and/or screaming.” Tweedle and Smith? developed a custom SIR - or Susceptible, Infectious, Recovered - mathematical model to describe the epidemic. But, instead of the “I,” the duo substituted a “B” for “Bieber-infected.”
The result? The first ever SBR mathematical model. (See the image above for a breakdown.)
For you math geeks out there trying to make sense of all this, good luck… We here at Hollyscoop missed that day of basic algebra.
Long story short, though… The equation proves Bieber Fever is extremely contagious. Even more so than a bad case of the measles.
“It has a basic reproductive ratio of 24, making it perhaps the most infectious disease of our time,” the paper continues.
The disease develops through media coverage. Individuals can recover by boredom of Bieber’s material or simply through negative media attention, aka “the Lindsay Lohan effect.” The more positive the media portrays the Biebs, the more dangerous he becomes.
If you read this entire article convinced we’re pulling your leg, check your calendar… We’re nowhere near April Fool’s day. Unfortunately, this study is the real deal and it appears society as we know it is doomed.
Be afraid… Be very afraid.