Over the weekend, KWEEN of all that is SLOPPY AND DRUNK, Jessica Simpson returned to us.
She was slurring and tripping and going straight from DA CLUB to DA BOX (drunk girl code for Jack in the Box).
Inebriated Jessica reminded us of the Jessica that we knew and loved. The sloppy, hard-drinking, sorority sister we all wish we could stumble into a Ralphs with at four in the morning, screaming, “DONUT HOLES! GIVE THEM TO ME!”
Remember that time she CLIMBED, literally CLIMBED into a limo?
Girl, we’ve been there, except it was a Nissan Altima, but who’s checking?
That time she pulled the Miley-tongue, long before it was a thing.
Even when she’s sober, she’s like,
HAY GIRL MY SKIN’S ORANGE!
What about that time she picked up fruit with her toes?
Remember when she popped out of a cake? Like, that was an actual thing that happened.
LICKING HER ARM ON LENO!
Girl, your bra is 100% out.
When she strolled down the street in baggy clothes and Ugg boots.
And who hasn't gone out in public like that before.
Jessica is Princess of the Shit Shows and we’re glad to have her back.