I'm not sure if Tila Tequila was hiding, or if she's just so tiny, no one could find her, but the world's hottest hobbit is back in the headlines. And it's all because of MC Hammer.
Hammer announced he's going to perform at a Gathering of the Juggalos concert, and people are worried for his safety. Because last year, Tila Tequila made an appearance at one of these concerts, and she was roughed up pretty badly. The concerts are known for being violent and bizarre. Tila, I know you want to get in the limelight, but you threw yourself in the middle of a bunch of angry teenage nerds with mommy issues. It's like a zebra going to a lion party. Tequila has threatened to file a lawsuit over the attack, but so far, there's nothing indicating that's going to happen.
Tila's rise to fame is an interesting one, but she went from living in one of the roughest neighborhoods in Houston to becoming a millionaire. So how can you be famous like Tila?
Hang out at your city's most violent mall: Tequila was discovered by a Playboy scout at Houston's Sharpstown Mall, which is notorious for being a danger zone. Having been raised in Houston, I've been to that mall, and I have no idea what a Playboy scout would be doing there. It's like picking contestants for America's Next Top Model at the local Walmart.
Don't be afraid of stereotypes: Tequila gained popularity through the import racing scene. She was featured on the cover of Import Tuner magazine and in the video game Street Racing Syndicate. Don't act like you haven't seen clips of The Fast and the Furious.
Pander to people's most base desires: We could probably feed a small country with the amount of money people spend on booze and sex. Tila Nguyen knew this when she named herself after America's favorite party drink. Tila also put herself out there in her early days when she appeared on a show where contestants strip to music videos. Tila then went on to star in A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, where she made a mockery of lesbianism by using it for sex appeal.
If all else fails, do porn: After appearing in Maxim, having her own reality show, and making some guest appearances, Tila wanted to expand her empire. So she started Tila's Hot Spot, an adult-only website with a monthly fee.
Be blunt about your whorishness: Tila has released some music. A few of their titles? Sex, Stripper Friends and I F-cked the DJ. Hmm, I wonder what they're about.