Gwyneth Paltrow has taken the weight of the world upon her shoulders to tell us all what to eat. Or in this case, not to eat. In her latest cookbook, It's All Good: Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good and Feel Great, that'd be eating nothing whatsoever it seems. Flipping through its pages, It's All Good: It's All Bad For People Who Actually Like To Eat Food might be a more fitting title.
Inspired by her "elimination diet," a nutritional regimen she prescribes to for health reasons, includes recipes featuring "no coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, no shellfish, no deep-water fish…"—take a breath, we're still going—"…no wheat, no meat, no soy, nothing processed at all!" (Gwynie's exclamation point, not mine.)
Going off that, this is how I imagine every recipe will read:
Pour out 5 cups of milk
Buy a dozen eggs from Whole Foods, then quickly return them because you won't need them
Add two teaspoons of "insufferability"
Take an organic carrot, wash it thoroughly, then lick it
See, you don't even eat the food you make. Just press their skin against your taste buds and enjoy!
Anyone whose peripherally aware of Gwynie's WASPy lifestyle site GOOP (whether it's genuinely or ironically on RSS feed) could've seen this backlash looming like a Hamptons beachside mansion on the horizon. What we're actually surprised about is that It's All Good doesn't come with a recipe for homemade Haterade. Because critics like The New York Post have already slammed it for its unrestrained and esoteric offerings. Was Gwyneth just blessed to be the new Pope? Because apparently this cookbook is preachy.
We actually have a love/hate relationship with this cookbook. Now we're not vegan or abide by a gluten-free diet, but these recipes sound perfectly fine and dandy and, most importantly, healthy.
Her spin on "Huevos Rancheros" holds some creative promise. It feels refreshing just saying "Hummus Tartine with Scallion-Mint Pesto" out loud. It's the tone, though, that leaves something to be desired: some self-awareness for the rest of us following along who don't have a wood-fire brick pizza oven imported from the Tuscan coast installed in the backyard of our garden estate homes.