Meet Gwyneth Paltrow for...$2,000

May 17, 2013 By:
Meet Gwyneth Paltrow for...$2,000

It’s not every day Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website Goop posts a deal, but when it does, you need to snatch whatever the hell it is up like you’re in a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.

Gwyneth’s version of the $1 section at the entrance of Target is to offer private cooking classes with the actress-your-majesty-truly for the low, low price of $2,000.

It doesn’t specify if that price also allows you to get down on bended knee and kiss Gwyneth’s polished hand, but regardless, what a steal!

The deal circulated across the Groupon-sphere this week and sold out in a matter of hours. Gwyneth scrunched her brows because she’s never heard of these quaint electronic coupons, but she hears The Commoners love them, which is why she leaned over her gilded balcony to exclaim, “Let them eat Groupon!”

Then all the women o’er the land burst forth into tears and now 60 fans will do just that—eat—well, sorta.

“You can munch on appetizers and sip cocktails,” the advert reads, “before good editor-in-chief Gwyneth Paltrow gives a cooking demonstration” of her elimination-diet of gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, meat-free, everything edible-free recipes, and therefore, will just wave her hands up and down like a mime of Emeril, cutting the kitchen air utensils-free, because apparently we’re just picking organic heirloom tomatoes off the vine here and calling this cooking.

Hopefully, the signed cookbook you leave the class with satisfies your hunger.

Those who scooped up the bargain will travel to New York next month for the epic trip. The deal allows ticket holders to invite a friend—so if you’re a Carrie be sure to bring a Samantha; if you’re a Miranda, a Charlotte—for stops at Bistro La Promenade restaurant, Great Jones Spa, and the DoubleTree by Hilton Metropolitan New York. Gwyneth won’t be attending of those with you, but like your Samantha/Charlotte travel companion says, that’s “sooo Gwyneth.”