We can’t really explain how it happened, but Gwyneth Paltrow has taken it upon herself to dole out non-scientific, non-doctor approved advice about life, dieting, health, and fitness.
Her “advice,” which is really just WASPy statements, are equal parts annoying AND entertaining and as per usual, they are insufferably awesome in a "so bad it’s good" kind of way.
These are excerpts from an article SHE wrote for The Telegraph called “The Knowledge: Gwyneth Paltrow on how to create a lean body shape.”
Here are her best gems. We are not worthy.
On Having A Single Cigarette: “I often have a glass of red wine in the evening and smoke a cigarette on a Saturday.”
On Why Having A Single Cigarette Is A Good Thing: “I love those moments because they are just the right amount of naughty. That balance keeps you vibrant. You have to live your life, after all.”
On Why Your Juice Cleanse Was A Dumb Idea: “I did the Master Cleanse, which left me hallucinating after 10 days. Be aware: a juice detox can crash your metabolism and lead to future weight gain.”
On Why Her Fridge Is Actually Something Called A “Larder”: “I love cooking and always have sweet potatoes, shallots and various lettuces in my larder and keep garden-cut herbs wrapped in a moist kitchen towel in the fridge.”
On Why You’ve Been Weighing Yourself All Wrong: “Women naturally gain and lose weight during their monthly cycle anyway, so it can be more realistic to monitor your body shape with a measuring tape.”