You had your turn, Canalis. Now get off the ride, because there's a long line behind you.
Really, Elisabetta? You're still talking to Chi? Aren't they what got you into this whole mess? They should be sending you an "I'm Sorry" fruit basket.
"At the end of the day I have always seen the end of my relationships as a personal failure," she told the mag. "There is nothing every pretty in saying goodbye."
Several friends of the couple told Us Weekly that Canalis wanted to kick the relationship up a notch by getting married. Upon hearing this, I'm guessing George Clooney choked on his cigar, screamed, and then ran out of the room. And that's the last she'll ever see of him.
"I'm a bit of a tomboy, but when it comes to love, I am a doormat," Canalis said. "I'm looking for men who can give me security."
Ok, side note. What's with all these hot chicks constantly pretending to be tomboys? Ladies, you're not a tomboy. You know who's a tomboy? Chaz Bono. You just like to do stuff outside sometimes. That doesn't make you a dude.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, Elisabetta Canalis is sad.
"I have always seen cold and controlled men as the right ones for me. You have to accept that Prince Charming who is coming to save you is not going to happen -- it works against you."
Well, no kidding. Women have known this for years. We're past that! It's like Elisabetta Canalis has not seen a single episode of Sex and the City.
Luckily, the heartbreak isn't all for nothing. She did get some work out of it, primarily, her upcoming Dancing with the Stars gig.
"The end of a relationship is complicated," she admitted. "I went to the United States, because at the moment I could no longer face the world. Watching my life being dissected was not easy for me."
You came to the United States to avoid the press? Right, that sounds totally logical. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you updated your resume to read:
George Clooney's girlfriend: 2009-2011. Duties included: Looking hot, not talking about marriage, looking really hot, and never ever mentioning marriage.
Hollywood welcomes you, Elisabetta. And with PR spins like that one, you're already well on your way.
And guys, be on the lookout. Because Elisabetta is ready to find Mr. Right:
"In the past I would self destruct when it came to love - I was immature, throwing myself into things but now times have changed, I want a relationship where you understand the other person."