Dirty Dancing and Other Remakes That Didn't Need to Happen

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Dirty Dancing and Other Remakes That Didn\'t Need to Happen
Sometimes, a remake can be awesome. Other times, the original was so good, it should be left where it belongs: in our memories and on a VHS somewhere in the back of my storage closet.

The latest to jump on the remake bandwagon is Dirty Dancing, the 1987 film starring Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze.

The remake will reportedly incorporate songs from the original and will be directed by the original choreographer, Kenny Ortega. But this is Dirty Dancing, a movie that’s iconic for so many of us. And with the death of Patrick Swayze, it’s become legendary. A remake will never come close to the original, so why try?

If Hollywood is known for anything, it’s—well—sex and drug scandals. But also, unnecessary remakes. Here are ten of them that didn’t need to happen.

The Karate Kid: A good remake brings some nostalgia value that reminds you of watching it as a child. The Karate Kid didn’t do this. I’m guessing the pitch meeting went something like:

PRODUCERS: Ok, Jackie Chan and one of Will Smith’s kids--

EXECS: Deal.

Psycho: Really, Gus Van Sant? You’re going to try to remake a Hitchcock movie? That’s like Justin Bieber saying, “I think I could do a better job with ‘Stairway to Heaven.”

Arthur: You’d think a movie about a rich, overindulgent alcoholic would be right up Russell Brand’s alley. But the film wasn’t well received. I guess you just can’t mess with Dudley Moore.

Bewitched: Do I need to say anything here, or can I just insert the picture of Nicole Kidman trying to wiggle or her nose?

Planet of the Apes: Tim Burton was just plain out of his league with this one. Stick to quirky, dark movies about dudes who cut hair.

Halloween: Rob Zombie remade the original John Carpenter film, and here’s what critics said: “Revamping the influential 1978 shocker Halloween for a new generation of viewers, director Rob Zombie offers a film with more sex, more violence, no humor and zero scares.” Zero scares? Not exactly a compliment for a horror flick.

Sabrina: Sydney Pollack is a pro, but this Audrey Hepburn original was a classic. It had a special quality that just couldn’t be recreated forty-one years later. Oh, and also, HUMPHREY BOGART was in it. Come on! Harrison Ford is cute and all, but he’s no Bogie.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The 1974 original was a slasher classic, and that was partially due to the fact that it was low-budget and raw. The commercial remake just couldn’t compare.

Godzilla: I’m not sure why Hollywood feels the need to keep redoing this movie, considering we all kind of loved it because it was so campy. But if the 1998 Matthew Broderick version wasn’t bad enough, they have another one planned for 2012. Let’s hope Doomsday happens by then.

Casablanca: It’s hard to find any proof that this remake even existed, and that’s probably because Hollywood wants us to forget it ever happened. Like untagging yourself in a bad Facebook photo, they’re trying to erase any proof that this remake happened. But a comprehensive IMDB and YouTube search will bring up the little info that exists on this 1983 TV series. It doesn’t have the worst reviews, but there’s really no point in remaking one of the greatest films of all time.
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