Hugh Hefner: Crystal Harris is a Liar

July 27, 2011 By:
Hugh Hefner: Crystal Harris is a Liar

Hugh Hefner might be old, but he can still fight back. As long as it's on Twitter. And someone else is typing for him. And he's had his heart medication.

Harris went on Howard Stern and said that Hugh Hefner lasted "like two seconds" in bed. Considering his age, I'm not even sure that's an insult.

I don’t know what it's like to bang an 85 year-old, and hopefully I never will. But the fact that Hef can have sex without a defibrillator is a miracle in itself. And anyway, how much longer do you want the sex to last? My guess is having sex with an 85 year-old is like having to use a gas station bathroom—you close your eyes, ignore the smell and just get in and out as fast as possible.

But I digress. Hefner retaliated to Harris' insult, tweeting: "Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern but I don’t know why. Maybe a new boyfriend?"

Could this dude get any sadder? I mean, I think everyone can read between the lines and see he's obviously still hung up on the 25 year-old. He since deleted the message, but not before going on a Tweeting rampage. He replied to a follower, "Crystal convinced me that she adored me. That was the first lie."

Hef also added, "I feel sorry for Crystal. She seems lost."

Well, yeah, I guess she lacks the wisdom that comes with having lived for nearly an entire century.