Charlie Sheen has posted a video on Funny or Die, and at this point, I think I'm choosing Die.
The video is a well-edited cooking show spoof in which Sheen recites a lot of his recent clichés, and then pretends to cook an amazing meal.
"This is not a bowl," Sheen says in the video. "It's a cauldron for awesomeness."
He must not want his kids back that bad. I'm sure most of this was just him in the kitchen breaking things and twitching, and whoever edited it just made it seem like it was supposed to be a joke.
Sheen's self-parodying is getting old. All it is at this point is using the word "radiate", "assassin", or "fire-breathing" and then likening himself to a large animal and/or mythical creature. I'm radiating like a fire-breathing assassin killer whale titan. There, I'm Charlie Sheen.