The Charlie Sheen Comedy Central Roast was taped this weekend and Charlie Sheen revealed it was only after the taping that he “realize how f-cked up” he truly was.
And that kids, is why you don’t do crack. Because it will take you almost a year to realize that calling yourself a warlock and living with porn stars is not normal behavior.
The best and raunchiest in comedy came out this weekend to basically make fun of Charlie Sheen for several hours. Essentially, what the world has been doing since January…now done by professionals. Even Charlie’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller came out to the roast and was also the butt of many jokes.
Charlie’s Roast will air on television on September 19, 2011, but until then you can get a sneak peek of the jokes and jabs that were made in honor of your favorite TV actor turned "winning-enthusiast."
“Family Guy” creator, Seth McFarlane, opened the night by introducing, “You’ve seen him on TV. You’ve seen him in movies. And if you are a prostitute, you have seen him point a gun at your head.”
Charlie sat on a huge throne surrounded by prop missiles, which was supposed to be a homage to his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour that Sheen staged in the spring.
One roaster called the night a “comic intervention” because it was part roast but also partly “do you know how insane you’ve become Charlie?”
Jon Lovitz quipped, “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men.”
Stand-up comedian Amy Schumer compared Sheen to Bruce Willis, “You were big in the ‘80’s, and now your old slot is being filed by Ashton Kutcher.”
Comedian Jeffrey Ross, who was for some reason dressed as Libyan leader Moammar Kadafi sadly joked, “Don’t you want to live to see your kids take their first 12 steps?” and then, “How do you roast a meltdown?”
However, Sheen must have been pumping extra tigers blood into his system that night because at the end of the roast he took the stage himself to address all his h8r’s.
“Wow, what a night. Until tonight, I never realized how f-cked up I was. All this time I thought I was just having fun. “
However, Sheen remained defiant, “I come out unscathed. You can’t hurt me. Hell, I can’t even hurt me. Drugs couldn't kill me. Sex couldn't kill me. The press couldn't kill me. 'Two and a Half Men' couldn't kill me. Did you really think your little jokes were going to kill me? I'm done with the winning cause I've already won. This roast may be over, but I'm Charlie Sheen. In here burns an internal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe."
And then he disappeared in a haze of fire and where he last stood a single dove flew onto the stage, and then the dove pulled off his mask and underneath was Charlie Sheen and he was all like, “Duh Winning, I ‘aint going anywhere ya trolls!”
Kidding about the last 45 words.