Britney Spears' Former Bodyguard Accuses Her of Child Abuse

September 21, 2011 By:
Britney Spears' Former Bodyguard Accuses Her of Child Abuse

Can't help picturing that YouTube dude screaming, "leave Britney alone!"

Britney Spears' ex bodyguard, Fernando Flores, won't go away. First, he sued her for sexual harassment, alleging that she exposed herself to him. Dude, she exposes herself to all of us. Get over yourself.

Now, he's accusing her of child abuse. According to Star magazine, on September 6, Britney's former employer filed papers with the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services, alleging that Spears has been abusing her two sons.

Gimme a break. You think Britney's dad handler is going to let that happen? I'm sure right after each performance, she's transported into her plastic bubble where she watches Tivo-ed episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras, takes a Vicodin and falls asleep.

One of the claims is that Spears "deliberately and recklessly" fed Sean Preston and Jayden James crabmeat, while knowing that they both have a deadly seafood allergy. Okay, first of all, if it were deadly, they wouldn't be alive. But aside from the logistics, kids hate seafood. Saying you're allergic to it is the oldest trick in the book. That's pretty much how I tried to get out of eating any of my mom's cooking. Side note, I'm completely joking and if your kid turns purple after you feed it crabmeat, you should probably take it to the hospital or something. Yes, "it'.

Flores also claims that when the kids threw up after eating crab, the nanny tried to seek medical care and Britney told Flores: "Mind your own f-cking business."

Spears also allegedly showed "special favoritism" to her youngest son, Jayden. Flores says Spears showed "concomitant neglect and even hostility" towards Sean Preston.

Okay, I've heard enough. The problem with this entire argument is assuming these kids are even allowed to look Britney in the eye when she enters a room.

JAYDEN: Mom, can I have a Juicy Juice?

BRITNEY: Yes.

JAYDEN: Where are th—

MANAGER: ONE QUESTION!

Flores also claims that Britney once asked to borrow his belt to discipline her kids. And here's how she did it: "Sean Preston if I hear one more word outta you, I'm gonna make you wear a douchey Ed Hardy belt with a tiger for a buckle, just like this one"

"I'm sorry mommy!"

Before the lawsuit was even filed, social workers visited Spears' home, found "absolutely no truth to the accusations" and dropped the rest of the investigation.