Brandi Glanville is the naughty eCard that keeps on giving. It's what makes her such an obvious candidate for the Real Housewives franchise—her unfiltered demeanor, talent for saying something inappropriate about any topic, and that she unapologetically owns up to it all, are essential characteristics for what qualifies as "real" on the popular Bravo series.
Now Brandi has a book, "Drinking & Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders," many excerpts of which are making the rounds online and they are very Brandi. If you're someone who can't get enough of cheating scandals fit for a '90s daytime talk show, then good news, because Brandi continues to dish the dirt on that whole messy affair between her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes throughout. Anyway, definitely adding these inspirational quotes to my mood board later.
1. "Across the bar, I spotted an insanely attractive Cuban man who just couldn’t keep his eyes off me, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him either. It was love at first sight – or perhaps, lust. Yes, we slept together that first night. I would never endorse sleeping with someone you just met, because half of the fun is the challenge. But, man, was it f*cking hot! I used to joke that he “raped” me. Rape jokes are never funny, except when they are. I was saying, “No, no, no,” the entire time, but we all know that despite the adage, sometimes no does mean yes.”
2. “An occasional lesbian make-out was the recipe for our seemingly successful marriage…I can definitely appreciate a pretty girl, so on occasion I would hook up with girlfriends, so that my husband could watch. (Sometimes the girl had a boyfriend and husband, too, who also seemed to enjoy the show.) It was harmless and Eddie seemed to appreciate it, because without fail, it would lead to some pretty hot sex afterward. Like I said, I was just an average Hollywood housewife doing whatever I could to keep my husband happy.”
3. “LeAnn had ‘accidentally’ smeared some cake frosting on her top (she was still a bigger girl and completely flat-chested at the time) and asked my husband, not realizing that I was standing behind the both of them, if he wanted to lick it off her…This woman asked my husband if he wanted to eat the frosting mess she’d dropped on her nonexistent chest?…He hadn’t realized I was there, either, and he laughed with hungry eyes at the suggestion.”
4. “This pretty intense surgery had an even more intense price tag: $12,000…A brand-new vagina would be an Eddie-free vagina…I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave [the doctor's office] Eddie’s credit card number.”
5. "I knew [Eddie] was concerned about his hairline, but momma needed something hard. I was not down for a limp dick and gave him an ultimatum: It was the Propecia or me! Eddie never took well to being cornered or criticized, so it was no surprise when he immediately shot back that my lady business wasn’t what it used to be. He was actually quite vulgar and said something I don’t care to repeat, so pardon my momentary filter. Please enjoy this moment it doesn’t happen often.”