Patron Saint of Stockpiling Student Loans Bradley Cooper can help you exorcise the demonic spirits of Sallie Mae.
Because Cooper has embarked on a pilgrimage to be the most well-liked celebrity of 2013, the Hangover honcho is sprinkling money and holy water all over his friends’ sinful debts.
Now they can stop praying to Mother Mary for forgiveness while “borrowing” bills from the communion plate every Sunday to keep their accounts from defaulting.
Even with his newfound celebrity status, this is about as extravagant as Bradley’s purchases get. I’ve got so much money I should start a bank, Bradley told Britain’s Daily Mirror, in our favorite humblebrag/reappropriated Wiz Khalifa lyric of the year so far.
“There is a certain amount of disorientation. You can't relate to having more money than you ever imagined or even know how to spend or invest,” Bradley said. “It’s absolutely luxury, I know that.”
“But I don’t think I’ve let it affect the way I live or change how I think,” Bradley added. “I still live pretty much like a nomad going from one film shoot to another. I don’t collect sports cars or have ambitions to own my own private jet. Making a lot of money has enabled me to help some of my closest friends pay off debts, mortgages, things like that.”
Moral of the story: If you want to be friends with Bradley, then you can take a number and get in line right after us. The receptionist of Bradley’s Official Super Fun Gang of Broke A$$ BFFs will see us all shortly.